Mr. Pim Passes By: A Comedy in Three ActsMilne, A. A. (Alan Alexander)
General
Mr. Pim Passes By: A Comedy in Three Acts
Milne, A. A. (Alan Alexander)
English drama -- 20th century
OLIVIA. Well, what I _do_ mean _is_, that I am in no hurry to go up to
London and get married. I love the country just now, and--(_with a
sigh_)--after this morning, I'm--rather tired of husbands.
GEORGE (_in a rage_). I've never heard so much--damned (_bangs table_)
... nonsense in my life. _I will leave you to come back to your senses._
(_He goes out, up staircase up_ R.)
(OLIVIA _rises and crosses to centre, watching_ GEORGE _off. She kisses
her hands to him, then turning to_ L. _sees curtains and work-box and
extending her arms in ecstasy goes to cabinet, takes them up and comes
down_ L. OLIVIA _sits on settee with curtains in her lap and places the
work-box to her_ L. _on settee, and as she does so_ MR. PIM _enters from
up_ R. _through windows and coming to_ R. _of writing-table taps it with
his umbrella to attract_ OLIVIA'S _attention. She turns and sees him. He
looks nervously round at staircase_ R. _fearing the return of_ GEORGE.)
PIM (_in a whisper_). Er--may I come in, Mrs. Marden?
OLIVIA (_in surprise_). Mr. Pim!
PIM (_anxiously and again looking round at staircase_). Mr. Marden is--
er--not here?
OLIVIA (_getting up_). No! Do you want to see him? I will----
PIM (_another look round at staircase and moving down centre_). No, no,
no! Not for the world. There is no immediate danger of his returning,
Mrs. Marden?
OLIVIA (_surprised_). No, I don't think so, Mr. Pim. (_Puts down
curtains_). But... what is it? You----
PIM. I took the liberty of returning by the window in the hope of finding
you alone.
OLIVIA (_sitting again_). Yes?
PIM (_still rather nervous and throwing up his arms in distress_). Mr.
Marden will be so angry with me, and very rightly. Oh, I blame myself. I
blame myself entirely. I don't know how I can have been so stupid. (_Sits
on stool_ L.C. _very concerned_).
OLIVIA. What is it, Mr. Pim? My first husband hasn't come to life again,
has he?
PIM. No! No! No! (_Looking round to_ R. _and speaking very mysteriously
across table_ L.C.) The fact is--his name was Pelwittle.
OLIVIA (_at a loss_). Whose? My husband's?
PIM. Yes, yes. Henry Pelwittle, poor fellow.
OLIVIA. But _my_ husband's name was Telworthy.
PIM. No! Oh dear, no! Pelwittle. (_Firmly_.) It came back to me suddenly
just as I reached the gate--Henry Pelwittle, poor fellow.
OLIVIA. But really, Mr. Pim, I ought to know.
PIM. No! No! Pelwittle.
OLIVIA. But who is Pelwittle?
PIM (_in surprise at her stupidity_). The man I told you about, who met
with the sad fatality at Marseilles. Henry Pelwittle.... (_With hand on
chin, thinking deeply_.) Or was it _Ernest_? No! _Henry_ Pelwittle, poor
fellow.
OLIVIA (_indignantly_). But, Mr. Pim, you said his name was Telworthy.
How could you?
PIM. Oh, I blame myself, I blame myself entirely.
OLIVIA. But how could you _think_ of a name like Telworthy if it wasn't
Telworthy?
PIM (_eagerly_). Ah, ah, that is the really interesting thing about the
whole matter.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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