Mr. Pim Passes By: A Comedy in Three ActsMilne, A. A. (Alan Alexander)
General
Mr. Pim Passes By: A Comedy in Three Acts
Milne, A. A. (Alan Alexander)
English drama -- 20th century
GEORGE. None! And I don't wonder. Who the devil is going to buy pictures
with triangular clouds and square sheep? (BRIAN, _annoyed, moves up_
R.C.) And they call that Art nowadays! Good God, man (_moving up to the
windows_), go outside and look at the clouds!
OLIVIA (_busy stitching rings on curtains_). If he draws round clouds in
future, George, will you let him marry Dinah?
(GEORGE _looks round, annoyed._ BRIAN _is hopeful and comes down towards_
DINAH.)
GEORGE (_upset by this, coming down to head of_ L.C. _table_). What--
what? Yes, of course, you would be on his side--all this Futuristic
nonsense. (OLIVIA _commences to sew_.) I'm just taking these clouds as an
example. (_Crossing to_ BRIAN.) I suppose I can see as well as any man in
the county, and I say that clouds aren't triangular.
BRIAN (_ingratiatingly_). After all, sir, at my age one is naturally
experimenting, and trying to find one's (_with a laugh)_--well, it sounds
priggish, but one's medium of expression. I shall find out what I want to
do directly, but I think I shall always be able to earn enough to live
on. Well, I have for the last three years.
GEORGE. I see, and now you want to experiment with a wife--
BRIAN. Yes--no--no--
DINAH. Yes, you do,
BRIAN. Yes.
GEORGE. And you propose to experimenting with my niece?
BRIAN (_with a shrug_). Well, of course, if you--
OLIVIA. You could help the experiment, darling, by giving Dinah a good
allowance until she's twenty-one.
GEORGE. Help the experiment! I don't _want_ to help the experiment.
(_Crossing up to writing-table_.)
OLIVIA (_apologetically_). Oh, I thought you did.
GEORGE. You will talk as if I was made of money. What with taxes always
going up and rents always going down, it's as much as we can do to rub
along as we are (_to back of_ L.C. _table_), without making allowances to
everybody who thinks she wants to get married. (_To_ BRIAN.) And that's
thanks to you, my friend.
BRIAN (_surprised_). To me?
OLIVIA. You never told me, darling. What's Brian been doing?
DINAH (_indignantly_). He hasn't been doing anything.
GEORGE (_round to foot of table_ L.C.). He's one of your Socialists who
go turning the country upside down.
OLIVIA. But even Socialists must get married sometimes.
GEORGE (_crossing below_ OLIVIA _to fireplace_). I don't see any
necessity.
OLIVIA. But you'd have nobody to damn after dinner, darling, if they all
died out.
BRIAN (_coming a little_ C.). Really, sir, I don't see what my politics
and my art have got to do with it. I'm perfectly ready not to talk about
either when I'm in your house, and as Dinah doesn't seem to object to
them----
DINAH (_moving towards_ BRIAN _and championing him_). I should think she
doesn't.
GEORGE. Oh, you can get round the women, I daresay.
BRIAN. Well, it's Dinah I want to marry and live with. So what it really
comes to is that you don't think I can support a wife.
GEORGE. Well, if you're going to do it by selling pictures, I don't think
you can.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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