[Illustration: The Opera.] [Illustration: And.] [Illustration: Three acts.] [Illustration: of Henrik Ibsen.] [Illustration: The deplorable issue.] * * * * * "Bishops," said the Rev. Mr. Phillips to the Playgoers' Club, "are not really so stiff and starchy as they are made out to be. There is a good heart beneath the gaiters." Calf-love, we presume. * * * * * DIFFERENT VIEWS.--Bishops complain of a dearth of candidates for orders. Managers of theatres think differently. * * * * * LEG-ITIMATE SUCCESSES.--Modern extravaganzas. * * * * * THEATRICAL.--The only people who never suffer in the long run--managers of theatres. * * * * * "STANDING ORDERS."--Free admissions who can't get seats. * * * * * [Illustration: "MOST MUSICAL, MOST MELANCHOLY" _Husband_ (_after the Adagio, to musical wife_). "My dear, are we going to stay to the 'bitter end'?"] * * * * * [Illustration: MUSIC OF THE FUTURE. SENSATION OPERA. _Manager_ (_to his Primo Tenore, triumphantly_). "My dear fellow, I've brought you the score of the new opera. We've arranged _such_ a scena for you in the third act! o' board of the Pirate Screw, after the keelhauling scene, you know! Heavy rolling sea, eh?--Yes, and we can have some real spray pumped on to you from the fire-engine! Volumes of smoke from the funnel, close behind your head--in fact, you'll be enveloped as you rush on to the bridge! And then you'll sing that lovely barcarolle through the speaking-trumpet! And mind you hold tight, as the ship blows up just as you come upon your high D in the last bar!!!"] * * * * * AT A PROBLEM PLAY.--_Mr. Dinkershein_ (_eminent critic_). How did you enjoy the piece, Miss MacGuider? _Miss MacGuider._ Well, to tell the truth, I didn't know what it was all about. _Mr. Dinkershein._ Excellent. The author gives us so much to think of. * * * * * QUESTION AND ANSWER.--"Why don't I write plays?" Why should I? * * * * * NOT EXACTLY A THEATRICAL MANAGER'S GUIDING MOTTO.--"Piece at any price." * * * * * OUR SHAKSPEARIAN SOCIETY.--In the course of a discussion, Mrs. ---- observed, that she was positive that Shakspeare was a butcher by trade, because an old uncle of hers had bought _lambs' tails from Shakspeare_. * * * * * "SOUND DUES."--Fees to opera box-keepers. * * * * * COPYRIGHT AND COPYWRONG.--The dramatist who dramatises his neighbour's novel against his will, is less a playwright than a plagiary. * * * * * [Illustration] * * * * *