(_A Dialogue of the Present Day_) SCENE--_Mrs. Featherston’s Drawing-room. Mrs. Thistledown discovered calling._ _Mrs. Thistledown_ (_taking up a novel on a side-table_). “The Romance of a Plumber,” by Paul Poshley. My dear Flossie, you _don’t_ mean to tell me you read _that_ man? _Mrs. Featherston._ I haven’t had time to do more than dip into it as yet. But why, Ida? _Oughtn’t_ I to read him? _Ida._ Well, from something Mr. Pinceney told me the other day--but really it’s too bad to repeat such things. One never knows, there _may_ be nothing in it. _Flossie._ Still, you might just as well _tell_ me, Ida! Of course I should never dream---- _Ida._ After all, I don’t suppose there’s any secret about it. It seems, from what Mr. Pinceney says, that this Mr. Poshley--you must _promise_ not to say I told you---- _Flossie._ Of course--of course. But do go on, Ida. What _does_ Mr. Poshley do? _Ida._ Well, it appears he _splits his infinitives_. _Flossie_ (_horrified_). Oh, not _really_! But how _cruel_ of him! Why, I met him at the Dragnetts’ only last week, and he didn’t look at _all_ that kind of person! _Ida._ I’m afraid there’s no doubt about it. It’s perfectly notorious. And of course any one who once takes to _that_---- _Flossie._ Yes, indeed. _Quite_ hopeless. At least, I _suppose_ so. Isn’t it? _Ida._ Mr. Pinceney seemed to think so. _Flossie._ How sad! But can’t anything be _done_, Ida? Isn’t there any law to punish him? By the bye, how _do_ you split--what is it?--infinitudes? _Ida._ My dear, I thought you knew. I really didn’t like to ask any questions. _Flossie._ Well, whatever it is, I shall tell Mudies not to send me anything more of his. I _don’t_ think one ought to encourage such persons. * * * * * TWO VERY DIFFERENT PERSONAGES.--“A society man” and “a secret society man.” * * * * * [Illustration: A PROTECTOR “If you please, Miss Lilian, your mamma has sent the footman to see you home!”] * * * * * [Illustration: EASIER SAID THAN DONE _Wife_ (_to FitzJones, who, in trying to lay the cloth for the picnic on a windy day, has got among the crockery_). “Just look what you’re doing, Archibald!”] * * * * * [Illustration: EQUIVOCAL _Mrs. Blobbs._ “I quite thought you had forgotten us, Miss Gusher.” _Miss Gusher._ “Well, I have a bad memory for faces as a rule, but I should not be likely to forget yours!”] * * * * * “ANOTHER PAIR OF SLEEVES” Time was, not very long ago, When Mabel’s walking-skirt Trailed half-a-yard behind to show How well she swept the dirt. But “short and sweet” are in again; No more the grievance rankles, For Mabel’s now curtailed her train And shows her dainty ankles.