_Second Foreigner_. "_Alleroose_ is it? Well there! I could a' sworn it warn't beef nor mutton."] THE BRITISH BATHER (_By a Dipper in Brittany_) [Apropos of a correspondence in the _Daily Graphic_] Mrs. Grundy rules the waves, With Britons for her slaves-- They're fearful to disport themselves, Unless the sexes sort themselves And take their bathing, sadly, for French gaiety depraves (!) 'Tis time no more were seen The out-of-date "machine"; Away with that monstrosity Of prudish ponderosity-- Why can't we have the bathing tent or else the trim _cabine?_ I think we should advance If we took a hint from France, And mingled (quite decorously) On beaches that before us lie All round our coasts--we do abroad whene'er we get the chance! O'er here in St. Maló The thing's quite _comme il faut;_ Why not in higher latitude? I can't make out the attitude Of those who make the British dip so "shocking," dull and slow! [Illustration: NOTES FROM MR. PUNCH'S FOREIGN SKETCH-BOOK FEEDING THE PIGEONS AT ST. MARK'S SQUARE, VENICE] [Illustration: L'ANGLAIS FIN-DE-SIÈCLE _First Tripper_ (_in French Picture Gallery_). "What O! 'Erb! What price this?" _Gardien_ (_who quite understands him_). "Pardon, M'sieur, eet is not 'Watteau,' and eet is not for sale!"] [Illustration: _Tourist expostulates_: "Oh--h, come! Them seegar is poor le--le--le--foomigaseong de mor-mem--yer fool!"] A ROMAN HOLIDAY _On the Appian Way_ We are with a guide, voluble after the fashion of guides all the world over, and capable of speaking many languages execrably. His English, no doubt, is typical of the rest. "Datt-e building dere," he says, "is de Barze of Caracalla." "The _what?_" says my companion. "De Barze of Caracalla--vere de ancient Romans bayze demselfs in de water--same as ve go to Casino, zey take a barze, morning, afternoon, ven zey like." "It must have been a large building," I venture, ineptly. "In dem dere barze," he retorts, impressively, "sixteen honderd peoples all could chomp in de water same time!" "Jolly good splash they must have made," says A. The guide pays no attention, but continues:-- "Dem dere barze not de biggest. In de Barze of Diocletian four tousand peoples all could chomp in de water same time. In all de barze in Rome forrrty tousand could chomp in same time." "I wonder," says A., "how they got 'em all together and started them jumping?" "Vell, dey not all chomp togesser every day same peoples, but ven de barze all full den forrrty tousand chomp in same time." _At the Bosco Sacro._ "Now," remarks the guide, "I tell you fonny story--make you laugh. Ven dem eight honderd robbers foundated Rome dey live on a 'ill and dey haf no religion. Den come de King Numa Pompilio: he say 'dey most haf religion,' so he can goffern dem better. Den 'e go to diss _bosco_, and ven he come back he tell dem robbers he haf seen de Naimp _Egeea_----"