_Another and Simpler Method._--Take a recruit, without inquiring into his antecedents. Give him his kit and bounty-money and close your eyes. The same recruit may be used for this dish (which will be found to be a fine military hash) any number of times. _How to make an Army._--Take a few scores of infantry regiments and carefully proceed to under-man them. Add some troopers without horses and some batteries without guns. Throw in a number of unattached generals, and serve up the whole with a plentiful supply of control mixture. _Another and easier Method._--Get a little ink, a pen, and a sheet of paper. Now dip your pen in the ink, and with it trace figures upon your sheet of paper. The accompaniment to this dish is usually hot water. _How to make a Panic._--Take one or two influential newspapers in the dead season of the year, and fill them with smartly written letters. Add a few pointed leading articles, and pull your army into pieces. Let the whole simmer until the opening of Parliament. This once popular mess is now found to be rather insipid, unless it is produced nicely garnished with plenty of Continental sauce, mixed with just an idea of invasion relish. With these zests, however, it is always found to be toothsome, although extremely expensive. * * * * * STRIKE OF SEAMEN.--There is one description of strike in which we hope our sailors will never engage--that of their colours. * * * * * A LAND SWELL.--A Lord of the Admiralty. * * * * * THE REVIEW AT SPITHEAD.--It is wonderful that this affair was not a sad mistake; for there is no doubt that the reviewers were all at sea. * * * * * [Illustration: SO SYMPATHETIC! _Young Yeomanry Officer_ (_airing his exploits in the war_). "And among other things, don't you know, I had a horse shot under me." _Fair Ignoramus._ "Poor thing! What was the matter with it?"] * * * * * [Illustration: DISAGREEABLE TRUTH _Soldier._ "Now, then! You must move away from here." _Rude Boy._ "Ah! But _you_ mustn't, old feller!"] * * * * * [Illustration: EUPHEMISTIC. _Colonel._ "I've never met with a smarter drill than yourself, sergeant, or one more thoroughly up to all his duties; but you've one most objectionable habit, and that is your constant use of bad language, and swearing at the men." _Sergeant._ "Sir, perhaps I am a little sarcashtic!"] * * * * * [Illustration: H.M.S. _OBESITY_; OR, WHAT OUR SAILORS ARE COMING TO _First A.B._ "Oh lor, Bill, my big toe!--f-f-f--it's something horful this morning." (_Distant whistle._) "Oh yus, that's right! Pipe away! I see hus a clearin' decks for haction, don't you, Bill?" _Second A.B._ "No fear! Phew-f-f-f. 'Ere, oh I say, mate, pass us the bicarbonick o' potass, for 'evin's sake!"