_Old Lady (to member of signalling section, who has just commenced to reply to a message)._ "Young man, if you think to alarm _me_ by wagging those flags about, you are very much mistaken!"] * * * * * THE BEAUTY OF BISLEY That it takes you away from town in the dog days for a clear fortnight. That, being farther away from London than Wimbledon, you escape the more easily the attention of those who love tea, flirtation, and strawberries and cream. That there is plenty to do at the ranges with the rifle, and to see in the neighbourhood on a bicycle. That the conversation of your comrades is congenial, if slightly "shoppy." That, after all, it is better to talk all day of scores, than of links or tyres. That if the life becomes too monotonous, a train can carry you back to Waterloo in forty minutes. That life under canvas is recommended by the doctors when it is subject to certain favourable climatic conditions. That, with the power of enjoying your outing to the end, or cutting it short at the beginning, you can yet claim credit for your self-denial and patriotism. * * * * * [Illustration: CORONA FINIT OPUS. _Mary Anne._ "When are they going to start this army reform they talk such a lot about?" _Private Atkins._ "Why bless your 'eart, _it's all done_! Look at our new caps!"] * * * * * [Illustration: THE ALDERSHOT CAMPAIGN _Private Sweeny (Highland regiment)._ "Colony bog, is it? Thin bedad! I wish I was back in Tipperary!"] * * * * * [Illustration: BANTING IN THE YEOMANRY _Troop Sergeant-Major._ "It comes to this, captain, 'a mun e'ther hev' a new jacket or knock off one o' my meals!"] * * * * * UNIFORMITY SCENE--_Pall Mall. Enter officer in full uniform hurriedly. He is stopped by messenger._ _Messenger._ Yes, sir? _Officer._ I want to see the Commander-in-Chief at once. _Messenger._ Very sorry, sir, but that gentleman who has just entered the room is likely to be there for the next three hours. He came here two minutes before your arrival. _Officer._ But is a civilian allowed to take precedence of an officer in full uniform? _Messenger._ Beg your pardon, sir, but he is not a civilian; but an officer like yourself. _Officer._ And yet he is admitted in mufti! Why, here have I had to come up from the country in full rig, being chaffed at the railway station, grinned at by the cabman, and cheered by the crowd! _Messenger._ Yes, sir. Very sorry you should have been inconvenienced, sir, especially as it was unnecessary, sir! _Officer._ Unnecessary! Why, doesn't the order come into force to-day that all officers who appear in the War Office for any purpose whatsoever must be attired in the proper uniform of their rank and regiment? _Messenger._ No, sir. To-morrow, sir, the _second_ of April, is the proper date. To-day, sir, is the _first_ of April.