_Officer._ And the first of April is surely the most appropriate date! Quite the most appropriate date! _Messenger._ Yes, sir! (_Curtain._) * * * * * The War Office is taking steps to turn its surplus cavalrymen into foot soldiers. We see nothing ridiculous in the idea--as some persons profess to. We already have Mounted Infantry. Now we are to have Dismounted Cavalry. * * * * * AN IMPOSSIBLE MANOEUVRE IN AUTUMN.--To be in the March past. * * * * * THE BEST MILITARY DRAWING.--Drawing your pay. * * * * * [Illustration: THE HANDY MAN.--What he will have to become, if recruiting for the navy continues to fall off, and many more new battleships are constructed.] * * * * * [Illustration: DIGNITY AND IMPUDENCE _Hector._ "Now then, young feller--who are you staring at?" _Hodge._ "Whoy shouldn't I stare at yer? _I pays vor yer!_"] * * * * * NOT FOR PATRICK! ["It has been proposed that the kilt should be the uniform of the new Irish Guards."--_Daily Paper._] What! take away the throusers off our pathriotic knees, As if we were a regiment of disordherly M.P.'s? Och! sorrer take the wicked thought, for histhory it teaches, An Oirishman is happiest when foightin' in the breaches. What! Wear them bits of pitticoats that blow about and twirl Around your blushin' knees? No, faith! Oi'm not a bally girl! No! Oi'm an Oirish souldier, an' me blood Oi've often spilt it, But though Oi'm willin' to be kilt, Oi'll die before Oi'm kilted. * * * * * In order to check extravagance in the Cavalry, the authorities have decided that "fines of money or wine are no longer to be levied on marriage or promotion, _or in respect of any minor irregularities_." In future the officer who commits the major irregularity of being promoted will not need to say, with the _King of Denmark_, "O, my offence is rank!" * * * * * [Illustration: "MANNING THE (BACK-)YARDS" Chelsea, June, 1891. Four Bell(e)s.] * * * * * MILITARY SURGERY