* * * * * WASTED SYMPATHY.--SCENE--_Interior of Railway Carriage. Lady_ (_to gentleman who has just entered and is placing one of his fellow passenger's bags on the floor where there is a hot-water bottle_). Oh! Excuse me, sir, but, _please_ don't put _that_ near the hot-water bottle. I've got a little bird in the bag. _Elderly Gentleman_ (_who is an enthusiastic Anti-Vivisectionist and prominent member of the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals_). Good Heavens, madam! a bird in there! Please consider! How cruel! how inhuman! how----(_gasps for words_). _Lady._ Not at all, my dear sir. _It's a roast partridge, cold, for lunch._ [_Collapse of Enthusiast._ * * * * * UNPLEASANTLY SUGGESTIVE NAMES OF "CURE" PLACES ABROAD.--_Bad Gastein._ Which must be worse than the first day's sniff at Bad-Eggs-la-Chapelle. * * * * * ROTATORY KNIFE (AND FORK) MACHINES.--Pullman dining cars. * * * * * THE LINE WHICH IS OFTEN DRAWN.--The Equator. * * * * * [Illustration: THOROUGH BUT NOT PEDANTIC. (_Overheard at the Louvre._)--_American Tourist_ (_suspiciously_). "Say, guide, haven't we seen this room before?" _Guide._ "Oh no, monsieur." _Tourist._ "Well, see here. We want to see everything, but we don't want to see anything twice!"] * * * * * [Illustration: MODERN ACCOMPLISHMENTS.--_Captain Brown_ (_narrating his trip to the Continent_). "Then, of course, we ran down to Granada, and saw the Alhambra----" _Captain Jinks_ (_untravelled athlete_). "No!! What, have they got one there too!!"] * * * * * [Illustration: FILIAL ANXIETY. "Going to Paris to-morrow, Tom!" "How's that?" "My poor old governor's taken ill there!" "Going by Dieppe or Boulogne?" "Rather think I shall go _via Monaco_!"] * * * * * [Illustration: OVERDOING IT _Sympathiser._ "Sorry you look so seedy after your holiday, old chap!" _Too Energetic Sight-seer._ "Well, I am a bit done up, but the doctor says that with rest and great care I may be well enough to have a run-round as usual next year."] * * * * * [Illustration: _Gushing Young Lady_ (_to Mr. Dunk, who has just returned from Rome_). "They say, Mr. Dunk, that when one sets foot in Rome for the first time, one experiences a profound feeling of awe. The chaos of ruined grandeur, the magnificent associations, seem too much for one to grasp. Tell me, oh tell me, Mr. Dunk, what did _you_ think of it all?" _Mr. Dunk_ (_deliberately, after considering awhile_). "_Very_ nice!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "Carry your trunk, sir?"] * * * * * A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE.--_Miss Tomboy._ Mamma, I think those French women were beastly rude.