Abolish party? Whose delight were greater Than mine? I hail the chance with rapture hearty. But oh! I _can't_ agree with the _Spectator_, Who'd do away with--gods!--the dinner party! No, let us compromise,--we'll all be winners,-- And firmly banish party from our dinners! * * * * * SYMPATHY (SCENE--_In front of Mrs. R.'s house_) _Mrs. Ramsbotham_ (_paying Cabman_). You look all right to-day. _Cabman._ Ah, mum! my looks don't pity me. I suffer from a tarpaulin liver. _Mrs. R._ (_correcting_). A torpedo liver, you mean. [_Cabman accepts the correction, and an extra shilling_] * * * * * [Illustration] * * * * * [Illustration: HAPPY THOUGHT.--_Sir Pompey Bedell_ (_poking the fire in his new smoking-room_). "This wretched chimney has got into a most objectionable way of smoking. A--I can't cure it." _Bedell Junior._ "Just give it a couple of your cigars, governor!--it'll never smoke again!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "CRAMMING"] * * * * * "CRAMMING." _Affectionate Uncle._ "Glad to see you, Rupert. Now tell me all about it. What form are you in, old boy?" _Nephew_ (_just returned from Harrow_). "Well, uncle, not so bad, I think. I can generally manage a couple of eggs, two sausages, or kidneys, some Dundee marmalade, and two cups of coffee for breakfast. I always have a little luncheon, any amount of roast beef or mutton for dinner, and I generally look in at the confectioner's in the afternoon, and invariably wind up with a good supper. What do you think of that?" [_Disappointed and misunderstood uncle subsides, and thinks it best to make no comments._ [Illustration] * * * * * [Illustration: _Old Gentleman_ (_who has not hurried over his dinner, and has just got his bill_). "Waiter, what's this? I'm charged here twopence for stationery. You know I've had none----" _Irish Waiter._ "Faix! yer honour, I don't know. Y'ave been sittin' here a long t-h-ime, anyhow!!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "A STRICT REGARD FOR TRUTH."--_Nephew._ "Hold up, uncle, people'll think you're screwed!" _Uncle_ (_the wedding breakfast had been hilarious_). "Shcrew'd! No, no, Sheorgsh! No' sh' bad 'sh that! 'Shame time--don' le'sh be"--(_lurching heavily_)--"osht'n--tas'hly shober! 'Can't bear osht'ntash'n!!"] * * * * * [Illustration: SEASONABLE LUXURY _Old Gent_ (_disgusted_). "Here, waiter! Here's a--here's a--a--caterpillar in this chop!" _Waiter_ (_flippantly_). "Yessir. About the time o' year for 'em just now, sir!"] * * * * *