_Trainer (to G. R., who has taken a chance mount)._ "So glad you turned up. This horse is such a rocky jumper you know, I can't get a professional to ride him."] * * * * * VERY RACY.--_Q._ When a parent gives his son the "straight tip" about a race, what vegetable does he recall to one's mind? _A._ Pa ('s)-snip, of course. * * * * * [Illustration: EASY PROBLEM PICTURE. "NAME THE WINNER!" Judging from their countenances, which of these two, who have just returned from a race meeting, has "made a bit"?] * * * * * [Illustration: RESPICE FINEM SCENE--_A little race meeting, under local rules and management._ _Starter._ "'Ere's a pretty mess! Two runners--the favourite won't start--and if I let the other win, the crowd 'll just about murder me!"] * * * * * [Illustration: HIS FIRST BOOK. (_At a Provincial Race Meeting_).--_Novice._ "Look here, I've taken ten to one against _Blueglass_, and I've given twelve to one against him! What do I stand to win?"] * * * * * [Illustration: THE HUNT STEEPLE-CHASE SEASON _The Joys of a Gentleman Rider._ _Voice from the Crowd._ "Now, then, guv'nor, take care you don't get sunburnt!"] * * * * * RACY SKETCHES (_By D. Crambo, Junior_) [Illustration: SIRE (SIGHER)] AND [Illustration: DAM!] [Illustration: MAIDEN ALLOWANCE] [Illustration: SETTLING AT THE CLUBS] [Illustration: AN OBJECTION ON THE GROUND OF "BORING"] [Illustration: WINNING BY A CLEVER HEAD] * * * * * [Illustration: _Owner._ "Why didn't you ride as I told you? Didn't I tell you to force the pace early and come away at the corner?" _Jockey._ "Yes, m'Lord, but I couldn't very well leave the horse behind."] * * * * * AT NEWMARKET.--_Lady Plongère (to Sir Charles Hamidoot)._ Oh! Sir Charles, please put me a tenner each way on the favourite. _Sir Charles._ But will you repay me the money laid out? _Lady P. (sweetly)._ Of course I will, if I win. [_Sir C. forgets to execute the commission._ * * * * * [Illustration: HEARD AT NEWMARKET _Jockey (whose horse has broken down)._ "Thought you said it was as good as a walk over?" _Trainer_. "Well, ain't you _walkin_' over?"] * * * * * [Illustration: A MOTOR-HORSE STEEPLE-CHASE] * * * * * [Illustration: PREHISTORIC PEEPS Even the "Derby" had its primeval counterpart.] * * * * * [Illustration: _Brown._ "Confound it! Done again! I lose on every race. (_To barber._) Here's your shilling." _Barber._ "Couldn't think of taking it, sir. Just won £500 on the Hascot Cup!"] * * * * * [Illustration: SPORTING EVENT--A RECORD She won the sweep!]