[Illustration: _Holiday Driver (returning from a pic-nic)._ "Excuse me, sir, but can you see anything wrong with the 'arness of this 'ere 'orse?"] * * * * * SPORTSMEN AT SEA. _(Tom exhibiting a tern which he has shot)._ I say, 'Arry, wot bird 's this 'ere? _'Arry._ A auk, I should say. _Tom._ What yer calls a sparrerawk? _'Arry._ No. Hay, u, k, auk, without the sparrer. * * * * * A COCKNEY'S EPITAPH THINK! "From the cradle to the grave!" my brother, A nurse takes you from one, an 'earse to t'other. * * * * * A VULGAR ERROR.--Misplacing the haspirate. * * * * * A CHEVALIERESQUE CONUNDRUM.--_Coster Bill (to 'Arriet)._ I si! When is your young man like a fish out of water? _'Arriet._ Oh, g'long! Give't up. _Coster Bill._ Why, when 'es a _witin'_ round the corner. [Short encounter, and exeunt severally. * * * * * [Illustration: A CAPITAL ANSWER. _"Self-made" Man (examining school, of which he is a manager)._ "Now, boy, what's the capital of 'Olland?" _Boy._ "An 'H,' sir."] * * * * * DISCOVERED IN DRURY LANE (_Near the new Baker Street Lodging House established by the County Council._) I 'old it true wote'er befall, I feel it when things go most cross, Better do a fi'penny doss, Than never do a doss at all! * * * * * UNIVERSITY SYMPATHY. _First Errand Boy (after the University Boat Race)._ Wot 'ave yer got a light blue ribbon in yer button 'ole for, Tommy? _Second E. B. (promptly)._ 'Cos our 'ouse allus sells Cambridge sausages! * * * * * A MATTER OF TASTE. _Vulgar Parvenu (who is watching the interior decorations of his house)._ "Don't you think that tapestry 'eats the rooms?" _Artistic Decorator._ "Very possibly, sir; you see, it's Goblin (_Gobelin_)." * * * * * [Illustration: THE IRREPRESSIBLE. _Street Boy (to cabby, in a block)._ "Look 'ere, are you a goin' on wi' this four wheeler?--'r else me an' my friend'll get down an' walk!" [_Retires hastily._ ] * * * * * AUDACIOUS 'ARRYISM.--Our friend 'Arry objects to the title of a recently published novel, "Airy Fairy Lilian." He says that he can't imagine a fairy all over 'air, though he might an 'obgoblin. * * * * * THE BAGMAN'S BAG Hark how the cockney sportsman drops His aitches o'er the glades and glens, But, at hen pheasents though he pops, Your 'Arry never drops his n's. * * * * * A PAIR OF "NIPPERS."--A coster's twins. * * * * * COCKNEY CLASSICS. "Jack," said Robins, "which varsity would you rayther go to, Hoxford or 'Idleberg?"