* * * * * AN EYE TO THE MAIN CHANCE.--_The Major._ You're a very nice fellow, Tommy! Don't most people tell you so? _Tommy._ Yes, they does. And they often gives me something! * * * * * [Illustration: LOST, OR, LUCID INFORMATION _Kind-hearted Old Gent._ "There, there, don't cry! What's your name and where do you live!" _Chorus._ "Boohoo! We'se Doolie's twins."] * * * * * "SANCTA SIMPLICITAS."--"Auntie, ought Bertie Wilson to have _smiled_ so often at me in church?" "No, dear. Where was he sitting?" "Behind me." * * * * * [Illustration: _Philanthropic Old Lady_ (_to little boy caressing dog_). "That is right, little boy, always be kind to animals." _Little Boy._ "Yes, 'm. I'll have this tin can tied to his tail soon's I've got him quiet."] * * * * * [Illustration: "Poor likkle doggie--hasn't got any fevvers on!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Master Tom._ "Wish I could catch a cold just before Christmas." _Effie._ "Why?" _Master Tom._ "Well, ma's always sayin', 'feed a cold.' Wouldn't I? _Just!_"] * * * * * [Illustration: "_Please_, auntie, _may_ I have the fairy off the Christmas tree--_if I don't ask you for it_?"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Shocked Mother._ "Oh, Tommy! What have you been doing?" _Tommy_ (_who has just returned from the first day of a preliminary course at the village school_). "Fighting with Billy Brown." _Mother._ "That horrid boy at the farm? Don't you _ever_ quarrel with him again!" _Tommy._ "I ain't likely to. He can _lick_ me!"] * * * * * [Illustration: RUDIMENTS OF ECONOMY "May I _leave_ this piece of bread, nurse?" "Certainly not, Miss May. It's dreadful wasteful! and the day may come when you'll _want_ a piece of bread!" "Then I'd better _keep_ this piece of bread till I _do_ want it, nurse. Hadn't I?"] * * * * * [Illustration: BLUE FEVER.--_Visitor_ (_after a long discourse on the virtues of temperance_). "I'm glad to see a little boy here wearing the blue ribbon. That's a good little fellow. Persevere in your good----" _Billie Groggins._ "Please, sir, I'm _Hoxford_!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "Oh! just ain't people proud what have got pairasoles."] * * * * * A DISCUSSION ON DIET.--_Little Chris_ (_to little Kate_.) Does your governess get ill on mince pies? _Little Kate._ I don't know! Why? _Little Chris._ 'Cause mine does. At dinner to-day she said, "If you eat any more of that pastry, I know you'll be ill." So she _must_ have been so herself. [_Conference broken up by arrival of the lady in question._ * * * * * [Illustration: WHAT IS IT?