_First Boy_ (_loq._). "I tell yer its 'ed's here!--I seen it move!" _Second Do._ "I say it's at this end, yer stoopid!--I can see 'is ears!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Dolly._ "Auntie, that's what I've done for the cow-drawing competition at school." _Auntie._ "But it is more like a horse than a cow." _Dolly._ "It _is_ a horse. But, please, don't tell teacher!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "THE GENTLE CRAFT" _Preceptor_ (_after a lecture_). "Now, what are the principal things that are obtained from the earth?" _Pupil_ (_and "disciple of Izaak Walton"_). "Worms, sir!" [_Loses fifty marks!_] * * * * * [Illustration: A CONFESSION.--_Day Governess._ "How is it your French exercises are always done so much better than your Latin ones?" _Tommy_ (_after considering awhile_). "I don't think auntie knows Latin." [_Auntie, who was about to enter, quickly and quietly retires._] * * * * * [Illustration: "What are you doing in that cupboard, Cyril?" "Hush, auntie! I'm pretending to be a thief!"] * * * * * [Illustration: RETALIATION "Tut, tut, my boy! You must not beat that little dog so. Has he bitten you?" "No, 'e ain't. But 'e's bin an' swallered my fardin!"] * * * * * [Illustration: A REMINISCENCE OF LENT "And did you both practise a little self-denial, and agree to give up something you were fond of?--_sugar_, for instance,--as I suggested?" "Well, yes, auntie! Only it wasn't exactly _sugar_, you know! It was _soap_ we agreed to give up!"] * * * * * [Illustration: SUBTLE DISCRIMINATION _Ethel_ (_to Jack, who has been put into the corner by the new governess_). "I'm so sorry for you, Jack!" _Jack._ "Bosh! who cares! This ain't a _real_ corner, you know!"] * * * * * [Illustration: A CANDID INQUIRER "I say, John, is there anything I haven't tasted?" "No, sir, I think not--except water!" * * * * * [Illustration: _Eva._ "Mother says I am descended from Mary Queen o' Scots." _Tom._ "So am I then, Eva." _Eva._ "Don't be so silly, Tom! You can't be. You're a boy!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Old Gent._ "Is it a _board school_ you go to, my dear?" _Child._ "No, sir. I believe it be a _brick_ one!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Kitty._ "Is your wound sore, Mr. Pup?" _Mr. Pup._ "Wound! What wound?" _Kitty._ "Why, sister said she cut you at the dinner last night!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Little Boy._ "How many steps can you jump, grandma? I can jump _four_!"] * * * * * [Illustration: INDUCTION "Is this the _new_ baby, daddy?"--"Yes, dear." "Why, he's got no teeth!"--"No, dear." "And he's got no hair!"--"No, dear."