[Illustration: A WISE CHILD.--_Inspector._ "Suppose I lent your father £100 in June, and he promised to pay me back £10 on the first of every month, how much would he owe me at the end of the year? Now think well before you answer." _Pupil._ "£100, sir." _Inspector._ "You're a very ignorant little girl. You don't know the most elementary rules of arithmetic!" _Pupil._ "Ah, sir, but you don't know father!"] * * * * * [Illustration: CONSCIENTIOUSNESS.--_Miss Fitzogre._ "Well, good-bye, Percival, and be a good boy!" _Percival_ (_a very good boy, who has just been specially warned not to make personal remarks about people in their presence_). "Good-bye, I'll not tell nurse what I think of your nose till you're gone!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Porter._ "Why is the little girl crying, missie?" _Little Girl._ "'Cos' she has put her penny in there, and no choc'late nor nuffing's come'd out!"] * * * * * [Illustration: NOT UNLIKELY "Well, well! And was baby frightened of his daddy den!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Dorothy_ (_who has found a broken nest-egg_). "Oh, mummy, what a pity! My black hen will never be able to lay any more eggs. She's broken the pattern!"] * * * * * [Illustration: WASTED SYMPATHY _Kind-hearted Lady._ "Poor child! What a dreadfully swollen cheek you have! Is it a tooth?" _Poor Child_ (_with difficulty_). "No 'm--it's a sweet!"] * * * * * [Illustration: PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL "I'll tell you something, Miss Bullion. My sister Maud's going to marry your brother Dick. But don't say anything about it, 'cos he doesn't know it himself yet!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Softly._ "Yes, I was b-b-orn with a s-s-s-ilver s-s-poon in my m-m-m-outh." _Kitty._ "Oh, Mr. Softly, is that why you stutter?"] * * * * * [Illustration: WELL UP IN HER MYTHOLOGY.--_Tommy._ "Madge, what's '_necessitas_,' masculine or feminine?" _Madge._ "Why, feminine, of course." _Tommy._ "Why?" _Madge._ "Why, she was the mother of invention."] * * * * * [Illustration: WHAT TOMMY OVERHEARD _Mrs. Jinks._ "That's Signor Scrapeski just passed. He plays the violin like an angel." _Tommy._ "Mummy, dear, do the angels say 'dam' when a string breaks?"] * * * * * [Illustration: QUESTION AND ANSWER _Mamma._ "Who was the first man, 'Lina?" _'Lina._ "I forget." _Mamma._ "Already? Why, Adam, to be sure! And who was the first woman?" _'Lina_ (_after a thoughtful pause_). "Madam!"] * * * * * [Illustration: SHEER IGNORANCE _Benevolent Person._ "Come, my little man, you musn't cry like that!" _Boy._ "Garn! 'Ow am I to cry then?"] * * * * *