So I unbotton electricity and look down Hon. Vacuum with considerable angry rage. What had he did with my trustful money? O how my indignation jump up! How could this mechanical snake treat me so trickful after I had chaperoned him and fed him dust for several complete days? I shook him with grand cruelty in hopes to make him cough back that wealth of Mrs. Hirem B. Bellus. He remain entirely bulldoggish with that bill clasped somewheres inside. Then I remember how Mrs. Bellus had told me how trash suctioned away by Hon. Vacuum was blowed high-ward through hole in roof. Maybe I should catch that 20$ yet before he got out! So with immediate quickness I got top-ladder & clomb to roof where I dishcover hole. Yet it was entirely penniless. Now & occasionally slight spurt of dust blow from hole; sometimes one shoe-button would popp out from where Hon. Vacuum had kicked him. Yet that hole remain like a bursted bank, refusing to surrender money. Afar off in direction of Pennsylvania I could observe slight dusty expression of sky. I feel sure that was Mrs. Bellus’ money travelling West. Enjoying great discouragements I got down from that roofly seat and wrote following telegram to Mrs. Bellus before walking farewell: “Togo is resigned. Hon. Vacuum blow your 20$. So sorry to say. The unexpected often happen, so you may get this money back, as I do not see how you ever can. When last seen it was going to Pennsylvania where I shall be there to catch it if he fall down and send back by P. O. delivery.” When I wrote this telegram I pin him to kitchen door and walk rapidly away with expression of one going West and expecting to arrive there. And while travelling I think of one wise quotation: “Nature abhors a Vacuum.” I am agreeable to Nature in this. Hoping you are the same, Yours truly, _Hashimura Togo_. II HON. BABY AND WHAT TO DO WITH HIM _To Editor Woman’s Page, who was once a Baby, but has got over it._ Dear Mr. Sir: I have now released myself from Patriot’s Bluff, Ohio, where I took considerable experience away with me. There I done home-work for Mr & Mrs Henery M. Bushel & child for delicious cheapness of wages, thank you. When I approach this Bushel home 2 weeks formerly from now, Hon. Mrs (refined lady with wealthy golden tooth) look severely at my Japanese humility. “Togo,” she narrate, “this house contains the brightest, most valuable & booflest Hon. Baby in all world.” I attempt to look surprised. “Mrs Madam,” I say gradually, “I have worked already at 13½ places which also contained the brightest, most valuable & booflest Hon. Baby in all world. How could it? Did them other places all have same baby?” “No. But them other babies was all imposters,” she dib.