=Squire.= "WELL--I HARDLY----BUT WHY DO YOU ASK, PRODGERS?" =Mr. Prodgers.= "WELL, YOU SEE, SIR, THE 'IGH' DRINKS MOST WINE, AND THE 'LOW' EATS MOST VITTLES, AND I MUST PERWIDE ACCORDIN!!" Illustration: Duty and Pleasure. =Rural Butler= (_deferentially_). "AND WHAT DO YOU THINK OF OUR COUNTRY QUALITY DOWN HERE, SIR?" =Town Gentleman= (_"in waiting" to Lord Marybone, who was visiting the Squire_). "WELL, 'F COURSE, YOU SEE, SMITHARS, I DON'T MIND WAITIN' ON 'EM,--BUT--'CAN'T SAY I SHOULD CARE TO SIT DOWN WITH 'EM"!!! Illustration: "Business!" =Bath-Chairman.= "I S'POSE THE DUKE OF EDINBORO' AND HIS MISSIS WILL BE BY DIRECTLY?" =Policeman.= "NO, THEY WON'T. THEY AIN'T IN TOWN." =Bath-Chairman.= "AIN'T THEY?--I SAY, IF THAT OLD LADY IN MY CHAIR ASTS YOU, SAY 'YOU DON'T KNOW,' 'CAUSE SHE'S A WAITIN' TO SEE 'EM, AND I'M ENGAGED BY THE HOUR!" Illustration: _Sacrifice._ =Good Templar.= "TUT--T--T--REALLY, SWIZZLE, IT'S DISGRACEFUL TO SEE A MAN IN YOUR POSITION IN THIS STATE, AFTER THE EXPENSE WE'VE INCURRED AND THE EXERTIONS WE'VE USED TO PUT DOWN THE LIQUOR TRAFFIC!" =Swizzle.= "Y' MAY PREASH AS MUSH AS Y' LIKE, GEN'L'M'N, BUR I CAN TELL Y' I'VE MADE MORE PERSH'NAL EFFORSH TO (_hic_) PURROWN LIQUOR THAN ANY OF YE!" Illustration: _Extenuating Circumstances._ =Employer= (_on his way to business on Monday morning_). "AH, SAUNDERS! I'M SORRY TO SEE YOU IN THIS WAY. I THOUGHT YOU'D TURNED OVER A NEW LEAF!" =Saunders= (_repentant_). "SHO I'AD, SHIR, BUT (_hic_) 'TSH ALL ALONG O' THESH 'ERE WA'ER CO'PANIES--I 'SSHURE YOU, SHIR, 'ERE WASHN'T 'DROP O' WA'ER IN OUR SHISHT'RN ALL YESHT'RDAY!!!" Illustration: _A Definition._ =Shoeblack= (_pointing to Unsteady Party by the lamp-post_). "TEA-TOTALLER ON 'THE STRIKE,' SIR!" Illustration: _Mystification._ _Our young Landscape Painter's Preparations are Regarded with Intense Interest by the Village Juveniles, yet evidently expect a Gymnastic Entertainment_--(_he frames an Imaginary Picture with his Hands_). =Omnes.= "HE'S A GOIN' TO SAY HIS PRAYERS FUST!!" Illustration: _Obliging._ =Excursionist= (_to himself_). "ULLO! 'ERE'S ONE O' THEM ARTISTS. 'DESSAY 'E'LL WANT A GENTEEL FIGGER FOR 'IS FOREGROUND. I'LL _STAND FOR 'IM_!!!" Illustration: Our Theatricals. =Brown= (_rehearsing his part as the "Vicomte de Cherisac"_). "YAS, MARIE! I'VE FONDLY LOVED YE. (_Sobs dramatically._) 'TIS WELL--BUT NO MAT-TAR-R!" =Housemaid= (_to Cook, outside the Door_). "LAUKS, 'LIZ'BETH, AIN'T MASTER A GIVIN' IT TO MISSIS!" Illustration: Flattering. =Housemaid= (_to Cook, behind the laurels_). "HE'S A HAFFABLE YOUNG MAN, THAT CAP'AIN LIMBER, MISSUS'S BROTHER. HOW BECOMIN' HE'D LOOK IN OUR LIVERY, WOULDN'T HE?!!" Illustration: _Comparisons._