=Barber.= "'AIR'S EXTR'ORDINARY DRY, SIR. (_Customer explains he has been in the Country, and out o' doors a good deal._) AH! JUS' SO, SIR. RUINATION TO THE 'AIR, SIR! IF I WAS TO BE KNOCKIN' ABOUT 'UNTING AND FISHIN', LOR', SIR, MY 'AIR WOULDN'T BE IN NO BETTER STATE THAN YOURS, SIR!!" Illustration: _Delicately Put._ =Customer.= "I'M AFRAID I'M GETTING A LITTLE BALD!" =Operator.= "WELL, SIR, I THINK, SIR, WHEN YOU ATTEND PUBLIC WUSHIP, IF I WAS YOU, I'D SIT IN THE GALLERY." Illustration: _A Rash Refusal._ =Customer= (_flying from Importunate Tradesman_). "NO, THANK YOU, NOTHING MORE, REALLY! NOT ANOTHER ARTICLE, THANK YOU! GOOD MORNING!" _Escapes--ha! ha! refusing his own Umbrella!!_ Illustration: _A Guilty Conscience._ =Country Parson= (_to hard-drinking Old Pauper_). "WHY, SURELY, MUGGRIDGE, YOU WERE RELIEVED LAST WEEK FROM THE COMMUNION ALMS!" =Muggridge.= "COMMUNION ARMS, SIR! 'S TRUE'S I STAND HERE, NEVER VAS INSIDE THE 'OUSE IN ALL MY LIFE, SIR; NEVER HEERD OF IT, SIR!" Illustration: _Equal to the Situation._ =The Parson.= "WELL, LIZZIE, YOUR MOTHER'S COME OUT OF PRISON, I HEAR. HOW IS SHE NOW?" =Lizzie.= "O, THANKY', SIR, SHE'S EV' SO MUCH BETTER. SHE'VE HAD CAPITAL TIMES IN THERE. FATHER'S OUT O' WORK, AND RATHER POORLY, SO HE GOT TOOK UP LAST NIGHT!!" Illustration: _The Convalescent._ =New Curate= (_tenderly_). "MY GOOD MAN, WHAT INDUCED YOU TO SEND FOR ME?" =Oldest Inhabitant.= "WHAT DOES HE SAY, BETTY?" =Betty.= "'SAYS WHAT THE DEUCE DID YOU SEND FOR HIM, FOR!!" Illustration: Awkward! =Literal Servant Girl= (_to Brown, who was calling for the first time on the Dibsworths_). "PLEASE SIR, YOUR CABMAN SAY HE DON'T HALF LIKE THE LOOK OF THIS HERE HALF-CROWN YOU'VE GIVE HIM!!" Illustration: "Suit Your Talk to Your Company." =Mrs. Clovermead.= "AND, DAN, YOU'LL BRING THE TRAP--(_recollecting herself--her fashionable Cousin, from London, is on a Visit at the Farm_)--WE SHALL WANT THE CARRIAGE TO DRIVE INTO THE TOWN AFTER LUNCHEON, DANIEL." =Daniel.= "YES, MUM--(_hesitating--he had noticed the correction_)--BE I--(_in a loud whisper_)--BE I TO CHANGE MY TROWSE'S, MUM?"!! Illustration: _Silly Suffolk (?) Pastorals. Reciprocity._ =Parson.= "I HAVE MISSED YOU FROM YOUR PEW OF LATE, MR. STUBBINGS----" =Farmer= (_apologetically_). "WELL, SIR, I HEV' BEEN TO MEET'N' LATELY. BUT--Y' SEE, SIR, THE REVEREND MR. SCOWLES O' THE CHAPEL, HE BOUGHT SOME PIGS O' ME, AND I THOUGHT I OUGHT TO GI' 'M A TARN!!" Illustration: Lapsus Linguæ. =Our Athletic Curate= (_who, with the young men of his parish, had been victorious in a great match the day before; please forgive him this once, only_). "HE-AR ENDETH THE FIRST INNINGS!!" Illustration: The Archery Meeting. =Curate= (_to Fair Stranger_). "I PERCEIVE YOU ARE NOT A TOXOPHILITE!" =Fair Stranger= (_promptly_). "OH DEAR NO! 'CHURCH OF ENGLAND,' I ASSURE YOU!" Illustration: _Grandiloquence_ =Captain of Schooner.= "WHAT 'A' YOU GOT THERE, PAT?"