=Pat.= (_who has been laying in some Firewood and Potatoes_). "TIMBER AND FRUIT, YER HONOUR!!" Illustration: _Levelling Up._ =Sub.= (_just arrived by rail_). "HOW MUCH TO THE BARRACKS?" =Car-Driver.= "AH, SHURE THIN, CAPTIN, THE MANEST OV 'EM GIVES ME T'REE AND SIXPENCE!" Illustration: Rural Simplicity. "BEEN TO SCHOOL, LITTLE LASSIE?" "AY, SIR." "GOOD GIRL--THERE'S A PENNY FOR YOU." "THANK YOU, SIR. I'LL HAE TO BE STEPPIN'--BUT AWM GAUN TO SKEULL I' THE MORNIN'--WULL YE BE THIS WAY I' THE EFTERNEUN?!" Illustration: _Catechism under Difficulties._ =Free Kirk Elder= (_preparatory to presenting a Tract_). "MY FRIEND, DO YOU KNOW THE CHIEF END OF MAN?" =Piper= (_innocently_). "NA, I DINNA MIND THE CHUNE! CAN YE NO WHUSTLE IT?"!! Illustration: _In Vino Memoria._ =Major Portsoken= (_a pretty constant Guest_). "I SAY, BUCHANAN, THIS ISN'T--(_another sip_)--THE SAME CHAMPAGNE----!" =Scotch Butler.= "NA, THAT'S A' DUNE! THERE WAS THRUTTY DIZZEN; AND YE'VE HAD YERE SHARE O'T, MAJOR!!" Illustration: Mind and Matter. =Augustus= (_poetical_). "LOOK, EDITH! HOW LOVELY ARE THOSE FLEECY CLOUDLETS DAPPLED OVER THE----" =Edith= (_prosaic_). "YES. 'XACTLY LIKE GRAVY WHEN IT'S GETTING COLD. ISN'T IT?"!! Illustration: Perspective! IN CRITICISING AND CORRECTING HIS PRETTY COUSIN'S PERSPECTIVE, OF COURSE FREDERICK'S FACE MUST BE AS NEARLY AS POSSIBLE IN THE SAME PLACE AS HERS!--TABLEAU!--PA (IN THE BACKGROUND) IS EVIDENTLY MAKING UP HIS MIND TO SEE ABOUT THIS! _Note._ FRED _hasn't a rap!_ Illustration: Those Dreadful Boys! =Algernon.= "AND, DEAREST, IF THE DEVOTION OF A LIFE----" (_At this moment his hat is knocked over his eyes by a common Starfish, or Five-fingers (Asterias rubens), thrown, with considerable force and precision, by one of those_ infern----_high-spirited little fellows her younger brothers_, TOMMY _and_ BERTIE!!!) Illustration: Profanation. =Gent.= "I LEFT A LOCK OF HAIR HERE A FEW DAYS AGO TO BE FITTED IN A LOCKET, IS IT--AH--READY?" =Artiste.= "VERY SORRY, SIR, IT HAS BEEN MISLAID. BUT IT'S OF NO CONSEQUENCE, SIR--WE CAN EASILY GET IT MATCHED, SIR."!! Illustration: "Turn About." =George.= "I SAY, TOM, DO TAKE CARE! YOU NEARLY SHOT MY FATHER THEN!" =Tom.= "'SH! DON'T SAY ANYTHING, THERE'S A GOOD FELLOW! TAKE A SHOT AT MINE!!" Illustration: Making Things Pleasant. =Irishman= (_to English Sportsman_). "IS IT THROUTS? BE JABERS, THE WATTHER'S STIFF WID 'EM!!!" "_Regardless of strict truth, in his love of hyperbole and generous desire to please," as our Friend recorded in his Diary after a blank day._ Illustration: Angling Extraordinary. =Customer= (_in a great hurry_). "A SMALL BOX OF GENTLES, PLEASE. AND LOOK SHARP! I WANT TO CATCH A 'BUS'!!" Illustration: "Happy Thought."