=Chef.= "GLAD YOU LIKE IT; FOR, TO TELL YER THE TRUTH, A'THOUGH I'VE BEEN A MAKIN' O' THIS SOUP FOR FIFTEEN YEAR, I AIN'T NEVER TASTED IT MYSELF!!" Illustration: "_The Struggle for Existence._" =Darwinian Coster= (_to thrifty Housewife_). "WELL, FISH IS DEAR, MUM; YOU SEE IT'S A-GETTIN' WERY SCA'CE IN CONSEKENCE O' THESE 'ERE AQUERIUNS!" Illustration: _A Satisfactory Character._ Mrs. Brisket (_about the Squire's new Bride_). "OH, YES, MUM, SHE COME IN 'ERE YESTERDAY, MUM. BLESS YER! A PUFFECT LADY. MUM! DON'T KNOW ONE J'INT O' MEAT FROM ANOTHER, MUM!!" Illustration: _Hard Up on a Wet Day._ =Richard.= "WHAT ARE YOU RINGING FOR, BOB?" =Robert.= "THE BEEF!" =Richard.= "YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO EAT BEEF AGAIN, BOB, ARE YOU? WHY IT ISN'T HALF-AN-HOUR SINCE BREAKFAST!" =Robert.= "WELL, I'M NOT EXACTLY HUNGRY, BUT ONE MUST DO SOMETHING!" Illustration: _Incombinable Elements._ =First Medical Student.= "WHAT ARE YOU SIGHING FOR, JACK?" Second Ditto. "UGH! I WAS THINKING OF THAT INFERNAL CHEMISTRY CRAM TO-MORROW, AND WHAT A DEUCED PRETTY GIRL I SAW IN GOWER STREET JUST NOW!!" Illustration: A Desperate Case! =First Driver.= "HOW'S POOR BOB?" =Second Driver.= "OH, HE'S A GOOD DEAL BETTER--TAKES HIS _LOTIONS_ MORE REG'LAR----" =First Driver= (_reassured_). "AH!" Illustration: "Bon Voyage!" =Bus-Conductor= (_to Portly Female, who was indignant at having been carried a little beyond her destination_). "WELL, THERE Y'ARE, MUM, FUST TO YER LEFT. Y'AINT GOT SO VERY FAR TO GO, AND THE _WIND'S AT YER BACK_!!" Illustration: _Personal!_ =Driver= (_impatient_). "NOW THEN, BILL!" =Conductor.= "O, LOOK ALIVE, PLEASE, M'M! (_To the Driver._) CAN'T HELP IT! ALL IN THE 'ANTIQUE' LINE THIS MORNIN'! 'ERE'S THREE MORE ON 'EM!" _"'Antique,' indeed! Odious Wretch!" thought one of the parties alluded to._ Illustration: "_The Conscience Clause_" =Rector's Wife.= "AND WHAT'S YOUR FATHER, MY BOY?" =Boy.= "MY FATHER'S A 'HAGITATOR,' AN' HE SAYS HE WON'T HAVE ME LEARNT NO CATECHISM, 'R ELSE YOU'LL ALL OF YER EAR OV IT!" Illustration: _Education._ =Squire.= "HOBSON, THEY TELL ME YOU'VE TAKEN YOUR BOY AWAY FROM THE NATIONAL SCHOOL. WHAT'S THAT FOR?" =Villager.= "'CAUSE THE MASTER AIN'T FIT TO TEACH UN!" =Squire.= "O, I'VE HEARD HE'S A VERY GOOD MASTER." =Villager.= "WELL, ALL I KNOWS IS, HE WANTED TO TEACH MY BOY TO SPELL 'TATERS' WITH A 'P'!!!" Illustration: "Exempli Gratia." =Ancient Mariner= (_to credulous Yachtsman_). "A'MIRAL LORD NELSON! BLESS YER, I KNOWED HIM; SERVED UNDER HIM. MANY'S THE TIME I'VE AS'ED HIM FOR A BIT O' 'BACCO, AS I MIGHT BE A ASTIN' O' YOU; AND SAYS HE, 'WELL, I 'AIN'T GOT NO 'BACCO,' JEST AS YOU MIGHT SAY TO ME; 'BUT HERE'S A SHILLIN' FOR YER,' SAYS HE"!! Illustration: Dignity. =Shipping Clerk.= "ARE YOU THE MATE O' THE '_MAGGIE LAUDER_,' OF STONEHAVEN?" =Mate= (_sternly_). "ASK IF I'M THE FIR-R-R-ST OFFICER, YOUNG MAN, AN' MAYBE I'LL GIE YE AN ANSWER!" Illustration: _A Woman-Hater._