=Saunders.= "'SH-HAMED? (_Hic._) NA, NA, 'M NAE SAE DRUNK AS THAT COMES T'! AH KEN VARRA WEEL WHAT A'M ABOOT!!" Illustration: Hibernian Veracity. =Paterfamilias= (_with his Family in Ireland_). "HAVE YOU ANY WEST INDIA PICKLES, WAITER?" =Paddy.= "WE'VE NOT, SOR." =Paterfamilias.= "NO HOT PICKLES OF ANY DESCRIPTION?" =Paddy.= "NO; SHURE THEY'RE ALL COULD, SOR." Illustration: Quite Another Thing. =Paddy= (_the loser_). "ABRAM, G'ALONG! I SAID I'D LAY YOU FOIVE TO WAN, BUT I WASN'T GOIN' TO BET MY HA'F-CROWN AGIN YOUR TATH'RIN LITTLE SIXPENCE!" _Exeunt fighting._ Illustration: A Fair Offer. =Athletic Barman.= "NOW, IF YOU DON'T TAKE YOURSELF OFF, I'LL PRECIOUS SOON TURN YOU OUT!" =Pat= (_with a yell_). "TUR-R-RN ME OUT? IS IT TUR-R-RN ME OUT? THIN, BEDAD! COME OUTSIDE, AN' TUR-R-RN ME OUT!!" Illustration: "The Way We Live Now." =Swell Coachman= (_with his eye on the Brougham's cockade_). "YOUR GUV'NER IN THE ARMY?" =Brougham= (_artlessly_). "NOT 'ZACTLY IN THE HARMY. BUT MISSIS SAY AS THEY SOLD MILINGTARY CUR'OSITIES WHEN THEY KEP' A SHOP IN 'OLBORN!!" Illustration: Re-Assuring. =Nervous Old Lady= (_Band in the Distance_). "OH, THERE ARE THOSE DREADFUL VOLUNTEERS, JOSEPH! I KNOW THE HORSE WILL TAKE FRIGHT! HADN'T YOU BETTER TURN HIM ROUND?!" =Coachman= (_who will have his own way_). "OH, LET 'IM ALONE, 'M; HE'LL TURN 'ISSELF ROUND, AND PRETTY QUICK, TOO, IF HE'S FRIGHTENED!!" Illustration: Well Meant. =Shoeblack= (_to daily Customer_). "SUCH A TREAT WE'VE GOT TO-NIGHT, SIR! TEA AN' BUNS, AN' SPEECHES AT EXETER 'ALL! WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO GO, SIR?" =City Magnate.= "OH, THEY WOULDN'T LET ME IN, MY BOY." =Shoeblack.= "UM!" (_Ponders._) "WELL--LOOK 'ERE. I THINK I COULD SMUG YER IN AS MY _FATHER_!!" Illustration: Nature and Art. =Pedestrian.= "THAT'S AN EXTRAORDINARY LOOKING DOG, MY BOY. WHAT DO YOU CALL HIM?" =Boy.= "FUST OF ALL HE WER' A GREY'OUND, SIR, AN' 'IS NAME WAS 'FLY,' AS' THEN THEY CUT 'IS EARS AN' TAIL OFF, AN' MADE A MASTI' DOG ON 'IM, AN' NOW 'IS NAME'S 'LION'!" Illustration: Natural Advantages. =Teacher.= "WHAT BIRD DID NOAH SEND OUT OF THE ARK?" =Smallest Boy In the Class= (_after a Pause_). "A DOVE, SIR." =Teacher.= "VERY WELL. BUT I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT SOME OF YOU BIG BOYS WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT!" =Tall Pupil.= "PLEASE, SIR, THAT BOY OUGHT TO KNOW, SIR, 'CAUSE HIS FATHER'S A BIRD-KETCHER, SIR!!!" Illustration: The Restraints of Society. =Juvenile Bohemian.= "HATE GOIN' OUT TO TEA! 'HAVE TO BE GOOD SUCH A PRECIOUS LONG TIME!!" Illustration: Simple Addition. =New Governess.= "WHY ARE YOU STARING SO INTENTLY, BLANCHE, DEAR?" =Blanche.= "I WAS TRYING TO COUNT THE FRECKLES ON YOUR FACE, MISS SANDYPOLE, BUT I CAN'T!" Illustration: Secrets. =Intelligent Housemaid.= "OH, PLEASE, MISS, THERE WAS A YOUNG GENTLEMAN CALLED WHEN YOU WAS OUT. HE DIDN'T LEAVE NO CARD, MISS; BUT I CAN SHOW YOU WHO HE IS, 'CAUSE THERE'S THREE OF HIS PHOTYGRAPHS IN YOUR ALBUM." Illustration: "A Parthian Shaft."