=Johnny.= "YES, TEACHER. MOTHER SAYS IF YOU DUN'T MARRY NEW PARSON, 'TWULL BE A MURRACLE!" Illustration: Obvious Initiative. (_A lively Native of the Deep Sea seizes hold of a Shepherd's Dog by the Tail, who makes off as fast as he can._) =Fishmonger= (_in a rage_). "WHUSTLE ON YER DOG, MUN!" =Highlander= (_coolly_). "WHUSTLE ON M' DOG? NA, NA, FRIEND! WHUSTLE YOU ON YOUR _PARTAN_!!" Illustration: Driving a Bargain. =Economical Drover.= "A TEECK'T TAE FAA'KIRK." =Polite Clerk.= "FIVE-AND-NINEPENCE, PLEASE." =Drover.= "AH'LL GIE YE FIVE SHILLINGS!" =Clerk= (_astonished_). "EH!" =Drover=. "WEEL, AH'LL GIE YE FIVE-AN'-THRIPPENCE, AN' DEIL A BAWBEE MAIR! IS'T A BARGAIN?!" Illustration: Candid. =Tam= (_very dry, at door of Country Inn, Sunday Morning_). "AYE, MAN, YE MICHT GIE ME A BIT GILL OOT IN A BOTTLE!" =Landlord= (_from within_). "WEEL, YE KEN, TAMMAS, I DAURNA SELL ONYTHING THE DAY. AND FORBYE YE GOT A HALF-MUTCHKIN AWA' WI' YE LAST NICHT (AFTER HOORS TAE); IT CANNA BE A' DUNE YET!" =Tam.= "DUNE! LOSH, MAN, D'YE THINK A' COULD SLEEP AN' WHUSKEY I' THE HOOSE?!" Illustration: An Irish Model. =Mrs. Magillicuddy= (_to her Daughter_). "WHY, WHY, ROSEEN! WHAT'S BEEN DELAYIN' YE? WHY! AND ME WAITIN' THIS HOUR PAST TO COME IN WID THE MILK!" =Rose.= "O, SURE, THIN, MOTHER DEAR, ON ME WAY BACK FROM THE MEADA' I MET SUCH A DARLIN' ENGLISH JINTLEMAN--A RALE ARTIST. WHY, AND HE AXED ME TO ALLOW HIM TO TAKE ME LANDSKIP; AND O, MOTHER MAVRONE, IT'S A WONDER HOW LIKE ME HE'S MED IT, GLORY BE TO THE SAINTS!" Illustration: A Benediction! =Irish Beggarwoman= (_to our friend, Dr. O'Gorman, whose Nose is of the shortest_). "WON'T YE GIVE ME A COPPER, DOCTHER DEAR? THEY, NOW, IF YE HAVEN'T WAN PENNY CONVANIENT!--AND MAY THE BLISSED SAINTS INCRASE YE!" =Dr. O'Gorman.= "STAND ASIDE, MY GOOD WOMAN. I'VE NOTHING FOR YOU." =Beggarwoman.= "O, THIN, THE LARD PRESARVE YER EYESIGHT, FOR THE DIVIL A NOSE YE HAVE TO MOUNT THE 'SPECS' UPON!!" Illustration: Mrs. Frummage's Birthday Dinner-Party. =Mrs. F.= ("_coming from behind the Screen, sneakin' just like her_"). "THERE! OH YOU GOODFORNOTHING BOY, NOW I'VE FOUND YOU OUT. HOW DARE YOU TOUCH THE WINE, SIR?" =Robert.= "PLEASE 'M, I WAS--I WAS ONLY JUST A GOIN' TO WISH YOURS AN' MASTER'S WERY GOOD 'EALTH 'M!" Illustration: Confession. =Old Lady= (_who can't stand her Page's destructive carelessness any longer_). "NOW, ROBERT, I WANT YOU CLEARLY TO UNDERSTAND THE REASON I PART WITH YOU. CAN YOU TELL ME?" =Robert= (_affected to tears_). "YES, 'M." =Old Lady.= "WHAT, ROBERT?" =Robert.= "'CAUSE I'M--(_SNIFF_)--'CAUSE I'M--'CAUSE I'M _SO UGLY_!!" Illustration: A Stroke of Business. =Village Hampden= (_"who with dauntless breast" has undertaken, for sixpence, to keep off the other boys_). "IF ANY OF YER WANTS TO SEE WHAT WE'RE A PAINTIN' OF, IT'S A 'ALFPENNY A 'EAD, BUT YOU MARN'T MAKE NO REMARKS." Illustration: Proper Reproof. =Fussy Party.= "WHY DON'T YOU TOUCH YOUR HAT TO ME, BOY?"