=Missis and the Young Ladies= (_together_). "GOODNESS GRACIOUS, J'MIMA! WHAT HAVE YOU----_WHERE'S_ YOUR CR'N'LIN?" (_This word snappishly._) =Jemima.= "OH 'M, PLEASE 'M, WHICH I UNDERSTOOD AS THEY WAS A GOIN' OUT, 'M----" _Receives warning on the spot._ Illustration: "Too Bad!" =Comic Man= (_in an audible Whisper, while his Friend is "obliging" with "Adelaide"_). "LOOK OUT! HE'S COMING TO THE PASSIONATE PART NOW. YOU'LL SEE HIM WAG HIS SHOULDERS!" Illustration: "It's the Pace that Kills." =Miss Rattleton= (_who means Waltzing_). "OH, I DID NOT SAY 'STOP,' MR. PLUMPLEY." =Mr. Plumpley= (_utterly blown, in gasps_). "'MSURE YOU--MUSTBETIRED----" _And joins the Card-players._ Illustration: The Gamut. =Jack Bowbell= (_beginning his Song_). "'APPY LAND, 'APPY LAND----" =Tom Belgrave.= "ONE MOMENT--EXCUSE ME, MY DEAR FELLOW--BUT DON'T YOU THINK THE SONG WOULD GO BETTER IF YOU WERE TO SOUND YOUR _H_'S JUST A LITTLE?" =Jack Bowbell.= "EH? SOUND MY _H_'S?" (_Chuckles._) "SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU KNOW ABOUT MUSIC!--NO SUCH NOTE--ONLY GOES UP TO _G_!" (_Continues._) "'APPY LAND, 'APPY LAND----" Illustration: _Garrison Instruction._ =Instructor= (_lecturing_). "GENTLEMEN, A THREE-LEGGED TRESTLE IS A TRESTLE WITH THREE LEGS. YOU HAD BETTER MAKE A NOTE OF THAT, GENTLEMEN." (_Intense scribbling._) =General in Embryo= (_but not at present noted for smartness_), _after a pause of some Minutes_. "I BEG YOUR PARDON, MAJOR, BUT HOW MANY LEGS DID YOU SAY THE TRESTLE HAD?" (_Left sitting._) Illustration: Cavalry Criticism. =Adjutant= (_to Riding-Master_). "AH, THERE'S MR. QUICKSTEP!" (_Who had just Exchanged into the Regiment from the Infantry_.) "HOW DOES HE GET ON?" =Riding-Master=. "WELL, SIR, I THINK HE'S THE HOSSIEST GEN'LEMAN AFUT--AND THE FUTTIEST GEN'LEMAN ON A HOS THAT EVER I'VE MET WITH SINCE I'VE BEEN IN THE REG'MENT!" Illustration: "_The Way we Had in the Army._" =Colonel= (_of the pre-Examination period--to studious Sub_). "I SAY, YOUNGSTER, YOU'LL NEVER MAKE A SOLDIER IF YOU DON'T MIND WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT!" =Sub= (_mildly_). "I SHOULD BE SORRY TO THINK THAT, SIR!" =Colonel.= "I SAW YOU SNEAKING UP THE HIGH STREET YESTERDAY, LOOKING LIKE A METHODIST PARSON IN REDUCED CIRCUMSTANCES!--HOLD UP YOUR HEAD, SIR! BUY A STICK, SIR! SLAP YOUR LEG, SIR! AND STARE AT THE GIRLS AT THE WINDOWS!" Illustration: "An Officer and a Gentleman!" =Volunteer Captain= (_bumptiously_). "OFFICER'S TICKET!" =Considerate Clerk=. "GOVER'MENT TARIFF'S HIGH ON THIS LINE, SIR. YOU'D BETTER GO AS A GENTLEMAN! CHEAPER!" _The Captain is shocked, loses his presence of mind, and takes advantage of the suggestion_. Illustration: "The Service going to, &c.!" ENSIGN BROWN SHARES A TENT AT WIMBLEDON WITH HIS FRIEND JONES, PRIVATE IN THE SAME COMPANY. =Ensign Brown=. "OH, I SAY, JO--MR. JONES, THERE'S ONE OF THOSE PEGS LOOSE. HEM--WILL YOU--I WISH--JUST JUMP OUT, AND MAKE IT FAST!" =Private Jones=. "OH, HANG IT, BR--MR. BROWN! COME, I DON'T MIND TOSSING YOU!!"