Illustration: Presence of Mind. =Constables= (_in chorus_). "HOY! HULLO! STOP! TURN BACK THERE! CAN'T COME THROUGH THE PARK!" =Elderly Female= (_in a hurry to catch a train_). "P'LICEMAN, I'M THE _'OME SECRETARY_!!!" =Sergeant of Police= (_taken aback_). "OH, I BEG YOUR PARDON, I'M SURE, MUM! ALL RIGHT--DRIVE ON, CABBY!" _Old Lady saves the train._ Illustration: "Bric à Brac." =Mamma= } { {SAM!" }_together_ {"GOODNESS, GRACIOUS, { =Daughters=} { {PA'!" =Papa= (_who has a passion for Antiques_). "MY DEARS, I THOUGHT IT WOULD DO SO NICELY FOR THE LANDING AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS, EH." Illustration: Encouraging. =First Bystander= (_evidently Village Schoolmaster--ignorant set of people generally!_). "DON'T SEEM TO BE MAKING MUCH OF IT, DO 'E?" =Second Bystander= (_you'd have thought him an intelligent Farmer, by the look of him_). "AMMY-TOOR, SEEMIN'LY!!" Illustration: "Fine Art." =Rural Connoisseur.= "HE'S A P'INTIN' TWO PICTUR'S AT ONCE, D' YER SEE? 'BLEST IF I DON'T LIKE THAT THERE LITTLE 'UN AS HE'S GOT HIS THUMB THROUGH, THE BEST!" Illustration: _Our Reserves._ (AUXILIARY FORCES, NORTH OF IRELAND.) =Last Joined Supernumerary.= "NOW, THEN, SENTRY, WHY DON'T YOU SALUTE YOUR OFFICER?" =Militia Sentry= (_old Yankee Irish Veteran, who has been through the "Secesh" War_). "SALUTE, IS IT? DIVEL A SALUTE YOU'LL GET ONTILL YE PAY YER FUTTIN'!!" Illustration: _Badinage._ =Facetious 'Bus-Driver= (_offering to pull up_). "'ERE Y'ARE, SIR. LOOK SHARP, BILL AND 'ELP THE GEN'LEMAN IN WITH HIS LUGGAGE!" =Chimney-Sweep= (_whose self-respect is hurt_) _uses strong language!_ ='Bus-Driver.= "BEG PARD'N, SIR. GEN'LEMAN AIN'T FOR US, BILL. HE'S A LOOKIN' OUT FOR A 'HATLAS. GOIN' TO MADAM TOOSAWD'S, TO 'AVE HIS STATTY DONE IN WAX-WORK!!" Illustration: _Particular to a Hair._ =Irate Major= (_to hairy Sub._). "WHEN NEXT YOU COME ON PARADE, SIR, HAVE THE GOODNESS TO LEAVE THOSE CONFOUNDED WEATHERCOCKS BEHIND YOU!" Illustration: _Chronology._ ='Bus-Driver.= "THEY TELL ME THERE'VE BEEN SOME COINS FOUND IN THESE 'ERE 'EXKYVATIONS THAT 'A BEEN BURIED THERE A MATTER O' FOUR OR FIVE 'UNDRED YEAR!!" =Passenger Friend.= "OH, THAT'S NOTHIN'! WHY, THERE'S SOME IN THE BRI'SH MUSEUM--AH--MORE THAN TWO THOUSAND YEAR OLD!!" ='Bus-Driver= (_after a pause_). "COME, GEORGE, THAT WON'T DO, YER KNOW! 'CAUSE WE'RE ONLY IN EIGHT'N 'UNDRED AN' SIXTY-NINE NOW!!!" Illustration: "_Bus-Measure._" ='Bus-Driver.= "NEVER SEE THE COMET?! WHY, WHEREVER COULD YOU 'A'----" (_Notices Shortness of "Ge'tleman's" hair, &c., and hesitates_). "HOWSOMEVER----" =Passenger= (_relieving his embarrassment_). "WHEREABOUTS WAS IT?" =Driver.= "WELL, I'LL TELL YER. IT WAS ABOUT THE LENGTH O' THIS YERE BUS FROM THE FORRARDEST LEADER IN THE GREAT BEAR!" Illustration: Tricks upon Travellers.