=Dundreary= (_with an effort_). "AU-H, PO' M'SOUL, HAVEN'T AN IDEA-H! NEVER WODE 'N ONE IN M'LIFE! SHOULD SAY A MERE TWIFLE! P'WAPS A SHILLING, OR TWO SHILLINGS. 'DON'T THINK THE WASCALS COULD HAVE THE CONSCIENCE TO CHARGE YOU MORE THAN THWEE SHILLINGS! 'WOULDN'T PAY MORE THAN FOUR! I'D SEE 'EM AT THE D-D-DOO-OOCE!" Illustration: _A Dilemma._ =Party= (_overcome by the heat of the Weather_). "HOY! CAB!" =Driver.= "ALL RIGHT, SIR, IF YOU'LL JUST WALK TO THE GATE." =Party.= "O, BOTHER! WALKING TO 'GATE!" =Driver.= "WELL, SIR, IF YOU CAN'T GET THROUGH, I DON'T SEE HOW I CAN GET OVER!" Illustration: Adjustment. =Bootmaker= (_who has a deal of trouble with this Customer_). "I THINK, SIR, IF YOU WERE TO CUT YOUR CORNS, I COULD MORE EASILY FIND YOU A PAIR----" =Choleric Old Gentleman=. "CUT MY CORNS, SIR!--I ASK YOU TO FIT ME A PAIR O' BOOTS TO MY FEET, SIR!--I'M NOT GOING TO PLANE MY FEET DOWN TO FIT YOUR BOOTS!!!" Illustration: A Mine of Speculation. =Dealer= (_to Wavering Customer_). "WELL, OF COURSE WE ALL KNOW THAT--HE'S GOT 'IS BAD POINTS AN' 'IS GOOD POINTS; BUT WHAT I SAY IS, THERE'S NO DECEPTION ABOUT 'IS BAD POINTS--WE CAN SEE 'EM. BUT WE CAN'T NONE OF US TELL 'OW MANY GOOD POINTS HE MAY 'AVE TILL WE COMES TO KNOW 'IM!!" _The "Party" took time to consider._ Illustration: "Argumentum ad Hominem!" =Dealer.= "I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE HIS 'EAD, AND I ALLOW HE AIN'T GOT A PURTY 'EAD; BUT LOR'--NOW LOOK AT GLADSTONE, THE CLEVEREST MAN IN ALL ENGLAND!--AND LOOK AT 'IS 'EAD"!!! Illustration: Veneration. =Lodger.= "I SHALL NOT DINE AT HOME TO-DAY, MA'AM, BUT I'VE A FRIEND COMING THIS EVENING. IF YOU COULD GIVE US SOMETHING NICE FOR SUPPER----" =Landlady= (_Low Church_). "WOULD YOU LIKE THE REMAINDER OF THE COLD TURKEY--AH ('_feels a delicacy_')--HEM! _BEELZE-BUBBED_, SIR?" Illustration: A Soft Answer. =Irascible Old Gent.= "WAITER! THIS PLATE IS QUITE COLD!" =Waiter.= "YESSIR, BUT THE CHOP IS 'OT, SIR, WHICH I THINK YOU'LL FIND IT'LL WARM UP THE PLATE NICELY, SIR!" Illustration: Seasonable Luxury. =Old Gent= (_disgusted_). "HECK, WAITER! HERE'S A--HERE'S A--A--CATERPILLAR IN THIS CHOP!" =Waiter= (_flippantly_). "YESSIR. ABOUT THE TIME O' YEAR FOR 'EM JUST NOW, SIR!" Illustration: Education! =Papa= (_improving the occasion at Luncheon_). "NOW, LOOK, HARRY, THE CIRCUMFERENCE OF THIS CAKE IS EQUAL TO ABOUT THREE TIMES THE DIAMETER, AND----" =Harry.= "OH, THEN, PA', LET ME HAVE THE C'CUMF'RENCE FOR MY SHARE!!" Illustration: Cricket! =Uncle.= "WELL, TOM, AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IN CRICKET THIS HALF?" =Tom.= "OH, BLESS YOU, UNCLE, WE'VE BEEN 'NOWHERE,' THIS SEASON; ALL OUR BEST 'MEN,' YOU KNOW, WERE DOWN WITH THE _MEASLES_!" Illustration: Treacherous Confederate.