Paul Gosslett's Confessions in Love, Law, and The Civil ServiceLever, Charles
General
Paul Gosslett's Confessions in Love, Law, and The Civil Service
Lever, Charles
Fiction
I was sound asleep, though the noise of the storm was actually
deafening, when Lizzy again tapped at my door, and at last, opening it
slightly, pushed a lighted candle inside, and disappeared. If there be a
dreary thing in life, it is to get up before day of a dark, raw morning,
in a room destitute of all comfort and convenience, and proceed to wash
and dress in cold, gloom, and misery, with the consciousness that what
you are about to do not only might be safer and better undone, but may,
and not at all improbably will, turn out the rashest act of your life.
Over and over I said to myself, “If I were to tell her that I have a
foreboding,--a distinct foreboding of calamity; that I dreamed a dream,
and saw myself on a raft, while waves, mountain high, rose above me, and
depths yawned beneath,--dark, fathomless, and terrible,--would she mind
it?” I declare, on my sacred word of honor,--I declare I think she'd
laugh at me!
“Are you ready?” whispered a soft voice at the door; and I saw at once
my doom was pronounced.
Noiselessly, stealthily, we crept down the stairs, and, crossing the
little flagged kitchen, undid the heavy bars of the door. Shall I own
that a thought of treason shot through me as I stood with the great bolt
in my hands, and the idea flashed across me, “What if I were to let it
fall with a crash, and awake the household?” Did she divine what was
passing in my head, as she silently took the bar from me, and put it
away?
We were now in the open air, breasting a swooping nor'-wester that
chilled the very marrow of my bones. She led the way through the dark
night as though it were noonday, and I followed, tumbling over stones
and rocks and tufts of heather, and falling into holes, and scrambling
out again like one drunk. I could hear her laughing at me too,--she who
so seldom laughed; and it was with difficulty she could muster gravity
enough to say she hoped I had not hurt myself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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