Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
DAN [_lowers his brows_]. I can look very detarmint when I like.... I
wish I’d done it twenty-five years ago.... I’ve been the wee boy too
long. But I’ve turned Turk at last.
PAUL. Well, that will do for the present, Dan. [_Looks about the
floor_] See if I left my spatula in the room. [_DAN goes into the
room._] Poor Dan! Your battering-ram expression will change quickly once
ould Bismarck comes in....
DAN [_comes in with spatula_]. Is that your bottle in the room, Paul?
PAUL. That’s a souvenir of M’Gothigan’s dance. Fetch it here, Dan,
and we’ll celebrate your betrothal.
_DAN goes into the room and returns with a bottle._
DAN [_spelling the name on the label_]. “Pathrick Degan ... Boar’s
Head, Ballybullion.”... This is my brother Pat’s whiskey, Paul.
PAUL. It’s nothing the better of that, Dan. Get a cup. [_DAN gets a
cup and PAUL pours a dose._] Toss it off quickly now, before it explodes
in your hand.
DAN. Here’s to Rose herself, Paul.... Angels guard her, amen.
[_Drinks and wreathes violently._] I’m in flames, but that’s torpentine!
PAUL [_pours a drink for himself_]. Here’s every day to you, Dan. May
yourself and Rose live for ever. [_Drinks._] Faith, sowl, that’s your
brother’s whiskey sure enough. You might as well swallow a torchlight
procession.
DAN. Well, he said he made it spacial for the dance.
PAUL. And so he did--he took too much pains with making it! Take it
away now. [_DAN leaves the bottle in the room and comes back._] Get me
some water, Dan, for this cement....
DAN. Here’s the bucket.... [_Goes out to the yard._]
PAUL. Rose M’Gothigan ought soon to be showing up, just if she hasn’t
changed her mind.
_DAN rushes in._
DAN. Paul, Paul Twyning! Who’s coming down the road? And all by her
lone! Guess!
PAUL. Oh, I could never guess, Dan, in twenty years. I give it up.
DAN. Rose herself.... May I never do what’s sinful.... And she’s
taking every look at the new house. Now’s my chance, Paul.
PAUL. Tell me this quickly. Do you feel that nip of special in your
head yet?
DAN. No, but I feel it in my feet. It’s flying down to my toes....
Will I go out and put the spake on her?
PAUL. And a nice posy y’are to put the speak on anyone! Look at the
dirt of your face. And where is the blue dicky you wore at the dance?
DAN. It should be here. [_Takes an old rag of a dicky from the
cupboard._] I hid it in here this morning when I come in from the dance.
PAUL. Put the dicky on your neck and give the face a rub with a wet
rag, and I’ll invite Rose in to see the house....
DAN. But what am I to say, Paul? How am I to seal the match? I never
did the like afore.
PAUL. I believe I’ve a ring here that I picked up many years ago at
Lisdoonvarna. [_Takes a ring from his pocket._] It mayn’t be eighteen
carat, Dan, but it’s better than no ring at all. [_He gives DAN the
ring._] Put that on her finger, Dan, and she’s yours till the sands of
the desert grow cold.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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