Soon will the Sea-earn join the vanished band Of Garefowl, Æpyornis, Dodo, Moa! And e'en the merry mavis Will rank as _rara avis_-- The sparrow, sole of all that sailed with NOAH, Will learn the casual pot-shot to withstand! Why surely, when rare birds are rarer made By 'ARRY, or by 'ARRIET'S hat-adorner, These gentry should be tethered To posts, and tarred and feathered! To see the balance thus redressed a mourner Would _not_ be he who has these lines essayed! * * * * * [Illustration: A DISCUSSION ON WOMAN'S RIGHTS. "A--I'VE NO DOUBT YOU'RE QUITE RIGHT IN _THEORY_, LADY HYPATIA. BUT I'M AFRAID THAT IN PRACTICE THE WORLD AT LARGE WON'T AGREE WITH YOU." "WON'T IT? THEN IT OUGHTN'T TO _BE_ AT LARGE!"] * * * * * A BICYCLE BUILT FOR TWO. (_Latest Parliamentary Version._) MR. H. FOWLER _sings_. (AIR--"_Daisy Bell._") There's mazy misgiving upon my part, Hazy, hazy, Women, by WALTER M'LAREN'S art, Muddle my "Mazy Bill." Whether I love it or love it not, Down I must gulp this pill. She-suffrage complicates the plot, Much, of my "Mazy Bill"! _Chorus_-- Mazy! Mazy! She-Voter, sit up, do! I'm half crazy, All with the weight of _you_! You will not be robbed by marriage Of a ride on this bi-wheeled carriage. You look so sweet (So you think) on the seat Of a Bicycle built for Two! We must go "tandem," like man and wife!-- Aisy! Aisy!-- Am I not working away for life, Driving my "Mazy Bill"? Taking _you_ up, as an extra load, Taxes my strength and skill. Rough and up-hill is the country road, Run by the "Mazy Bill." _Chorus_-- Lazy! Lazy!-- Spin like a "Scorcher"--_do_! I'm half crazy With the dead weight of you! Spinster or bound in marriage, You claim gratuitous carriage; But--use your feet If you _must_ have a seat, On this Bicycle built for Two! I must stand by you? Oh yes, _I_ know! _They_ see, _they_ see,-- M'LAREN and STANSFELD, JESSE and JOE,-- I'm bound to my "Mazy Bill." You'll take the lead, if I don't mistake. Then, if you work your will, Who will there be to put on the brake, Working my "Mazy Bill"? _Chorus_-- Hazy! Hazy! Such is the country view! Squires half crazy, All for sheer dread of you! Maidens or marred by marriage, Your sex means claiming their carriage; But, I feel dead beat With your weight on the seat Of this Bicycle--built for Two! * * * * * CONVERSATION BOOK FOR CANDIDATES. (_When the Ladies have the Franchise._)