"Beg pardon, Sir," said the spokesman of this strange-looking deputation, "but are you the 'OME SECKKERTERRY?" "That is my position," replied the Cabinet Minister. "And now that you are here, what do you want?" "Well, Guv'nor, truth to tell, we are out of employment. Our trade has gone to the dogs. Our business wos a removin' of superfluous cash from the pockets of the more inattentive of the public." "Burglars!" exclaimed the HOME SECRETARY, in some alarm, and he hastily approached the handle of the bell communicating with the Messenger's Room. "Stow it!" cried the spokesman roughly, then hurriedly lowering his tone, he apologised, and said he spoke from force of habit. "Twenty years ago our purfession was worth something. We could make a tidy living out of silk pocket-handkerchiefs, and sich like. But nowadays it's all changed. It wants capital, Guv'nor; that's where it is, it wants capital!" "What wants capital?" queried the Minister. "Why, our purfession, to be sure. Nowadays everythink's done on scientific principals. A burglar must know something of chemistry, and be up in things generally. Besides, all the real good things are worked by syndicates. Unless you can put in a 'underd pounds or so, why, you are nowhere. What are we to do?" The HOME SECRETARY sat in deep thought. "Look 'ere, Guv'nor," continued the spokesman, "'ere's a noshun. As we can't afford to be thieves, and haven't sufficient education to become burglars, why shouldn't we assist the Civil Power? Make us Peelers, Sir, you know--Coppers." * * * * * A month later the Police received some new recruits, and the title of the Force was officially changed to "The Unemployed." * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. _House of Commons, Monday, August 7._--House brisked up to-day on approaching Report Stage Home-Rule Bill; over three hundred Members present, including JOSEPH, fresh from Birmingham; on whole, a melancholy gathering. At outset every appearance of collapse. Influence of Bank Holiday over it all. Ministers who should have been in places to answer questions not arrived. Worse still when Home-Rule Bill reached, and new Clauses called on. Turned out PRINCE ARTHUR was still dallying at Dulwich, HENEAGE 'appy at 'Ampstead, WOLMER tarrying by the giddy swing on Peckham Rye. BARTLEY, ever ready to sacrifice himself in interests of Empire, proposed to move new Clauses for absentees, but SPEAKER wouldn't have it; so passed on to PARKER SMITH. P. S., as sometimes happens in correspondence, proved most important part of letter. He had quite a cluster of Clauses; moved them in succession through long and dreary night. [Illustration: HOLIDAY TIME--AS SHOWN BY MEMBERS' DRESS IN THE HOUSE.]