And what a blooming staggerer it was to finish off with the King and Queen of DENMARK! of all people in the World! Why I has allers been tort to bleeve, from what I have seen at the Play, that neether on em wornt not werry great things as regards behaviour to the poor _Prince Hamblet_, but BROWN says as that's all over long, long ago, and isn't to be spoke of no more, no, not for ever! and so we must drop it. I think, upon the hole, as I likes the PRINCE OF WALES the best of all on em, he does allers seem to enjy hisself so much. We had him in the City wunce at Church, and twice at Gildall to dinner, all in about a munth, and that ain't so bad for a near aparrent. And he does seem allers so much atome. Why I acshally overherd him say to our Blushing Town Clark, after dining the King of DENMARK, "How well you have dun it all, but you allers do it well at Gildall!" I wunder how many hundred sentries it will be before he says ditto to the Cheerman of the Country Counsel, poor feller! after sitch a dinner to sitch a company? Praps about another 700! ROBERT. * * * * * [Illustration: AN UNEARNED INCREMENT. _Our Irish Curate (persuasively)._ "NOW, DOCTOR DEAR, HERE 'S THE VERY THING. YE'VE BEEN GIVING A TENTH OF YOUR INCOME, LIKE A MAN. WELL, NOW, TIMES ARE BAD. DOUBLE IT, AND GIVE A TWENTIETH!"] * * * * * OFF AND ON.--She had been longing for a new dress. At last the extra money was saved, and she bought it. "It's off my mind now," she exclaimed, "and, which pleases me more, it's on my body." * * * * * ENGLISH AS SHE IS WROTE. --The advertisement of an hotel in Germany concludes, after praising everything highly, with this sentence--"_Accomplished drinks, captivating meats._" * * * * * FRENCH TRANSLATION OF AN OLD PLAY CALLED "LOVE'S LAST SHIFT."--"_La dernière Chemise de l'Amour._" * * * * * THE TOUR THAT NEVER WAS. (_By an Undecided Man._) Between now and my holidays there but remain two solid days, And thinking where I'll spend my "vac" has driven me wild with worry; In vain have I surveyed acres of plans and maps and Bædekers, And purchased a small library of "Handy Guides" of MURRAY. Shall I, for want of better, say I'll view the Vierwaldstättersee, Or watch the Staubbach fall in mist like web of an arachnid? Or else, the dawn to see, get up o'ernight upon the Righi-top-- But no, I feel that Jödel-land is now a trifle hackneyed! For a flutter at _chemin-de-fer_ I might (the place is handy) fare To Trouville, and along the _plage_ a "Milor" on the spree be; I could in Teuton _musikshaus_ (till I of Wagner grew sick) souse In "Hofbräu," and essay to flirt with each _biergarten_ Hebe.