I may have a word to put in by and by; Young ROSEBERY, doubtless, will know how to put it. At present on matters I'll just keep an eye. The World's gate is Trade, and nobody can shut it So tight--by mere Treaties--skill can't turn the handle. One might as well bolt the back door with a candle. 'Tis all Swag and Swagger! I very much fear That's true of us cock-a-whoop "Civilised Races," Who hold that our "Influence" must find its "Sphere,"-- At the cost of the poor yellow-skins or black faces. We are so much alike, 'twere sheer cant to upbraid, So I mean to stand-by--and look after my Trade! * * * * * NAMES FOR OTHER NAMES. The London County Council having considered the propriety of changing the name of Great George Street, Westminster, we append a list of localities that possibly may, later on, attract their attention. In each case we have appended a suggested new name, chosen in the customary arbitrary and (except in the last specimen) meaningless fashion:-- Trafalgar Square--Water-squirt Place. Piccadilly--Snooks' Avenue. Mayfair--Mews' Gardens. Eaton Square--Pimlico Enclosure. Haymarket--Picture-dealers' Row. Charing Cross--Araminta Place East. Covent Garden--Cabbage Buildings. The Strand--Western Central High Street. Buckingham Palace--Guelph House. Pall Mall--Pavement Promenade. Westminster Abbey--Members' Meeting House. St. Paul's Cathedral--Lord Mayor's Church. Temple Bar--Law Courts' Corner. Chancery Lane--Smith Street East. Fleet Street--Pedlington Place. Whitehall--Rosebery Row. and Spring Gardens--County Council Folly. * * * * * SERIOUS NEWS FROM ETON COLLEGE.--Strike of the _Minors_. The Dii Majores and the Maximi have come to terms, and the Minors have resumed fagging. * * * QUERY FOR AUTHOR AND MANAGER AT COMEDY THEATRE.--When you've been _Sowing the Wind_ is the result _A Stitch in the Side_? * * * * * [Illustration: "MASTERLY INACTIVITY." JOHN BULL. "TREATY OR NO TREATY--I SHALL DO THE TRADE ALL THE SAME!"] * * * * * THE RULES OF THE RUDE. 1. The one object which all cyclists should keep steadily in view is to become "scorchers." There are three essentials before you can earn this proud title. First, you must totally disregard the convenience or safety of the public. Second, you must ride at a minimum rate of 15 miles an hour. Third, you must develop pronounced curvature of the spine as quickly as is compatible with your other engagements. 2. Races should always be held on the high roads, at a time of the day when traffic is busiest.