(_A Pendant to a pretty little "pome" called "Pretty," by "Janet."_) An ugly little artist had an ugly little dream, Of an ugly little world built on an ugly little scheme; He took up his little pencil and incontinently tried To make ugly little pictures of that world so uglified. He drew ugly little figures just like evil little imps, With ugly little bodies of the hue of parboiled shrimps, With ugly little faces of a subterhuman sort, Each a dark Gehenna phantom or unnatural Stygian "sport." He limned ugly little mannikins as pale as tallow dips, And ugly unsexed women with protuberant under lips, With ugly scarlet tresses, or with sable porters'-knots, And with noses like a satyr's, and with eyes like inky blots. He daubed ugly little backgrounds, all as meaningless as mud, And ugly little sunsets all suggesting fire and blood, And ugly little arabesques which little seemed to mean, Yet were commonly suggestive of the cruel and unclean. Then that ugly little artist kicked up ugly little heels, And indulged in grim grimaces, and in gruesome little squeals, And he cried, "Hooray! On Loveliness shall man no longer feast. _I_ have proved that Art's true subject is not Beauty, but--the Beast!" * * * * * MRS. MAMMON. [One of the latest journalistic attractions is said to be "finance made easy"--for ladies!] What? Finance made easy for ladies?-- If _that_'s the last conquest of Mammon, "Sweet home" may henceforth be a Hades, Domestic enjoyment mere gammon. To babies, and bonnets, and kisses 'Tis sacred; and O 'twere a pity, To find our fair matrons and misses Devoted to "Funds" and "the City." Let home be all innocent honey; With (she) Bulls and Bears do not rend it. All women should know about money Is what they know now--how to spend it! * * * * * [Illustration: A NEW RACE IN AFRICA! ARRIVAL OF THE UGANDA EXPRESS. (TWENTY MINUTES AHEAD OF TIME.)] * * * * * PSYCHOPHILOPHRENOPHYSIOGNOMY. (_Some further Wrinkles by an Amateur Delineator._) ["A hint as to the manner you look at people, when delineating them for your own purpose, so that they should not be cognisant you are taking mental notes. Never stare at anyone straight in the face; and if whilst looking you should catch your subject's eye, quickly avert your gaze without moving to something about them that they may be wearing, or to the next person; you may for the moment appear to be looking into vacancy, or making a mental calculation, without staring at anything in particular."--_Professor O., in a weekly journal._]