Sir,--I am in receipt of your letter of yesterday, which has been handed to the Claims Department. I recollect that in a former letter you adverted to an existing policy with the Etna Office, and as that office will be liable to contribute a share of the moneys covered by the double insurance you are required to furnish particulars of the policy. Yours truly, D. SMITH, etc., etc. H. JONES, Esq. * * * Policy No. 3,262,854. Dear Sir,--I enclose, as requested, particulars of my policy with the Etna. For my own part, I do not quite see how it will help you, since, profiting by your advice, I succeeded in obtaining a part rebate of premium--thus, I apprehend, releasing the risk. But no doubt you know best. Yours very truly, The Secy., HY. JONES. The Vesuvius Insce. Co. * * * * * Illustration: _Patriotic Teacher._ "'ENGLAND EXPECTS----'NOW, WILL ONE OF YOU BOYS FINISH THE SENTENCE? 'ENGLAND EXPECTS----'" _Bright Pupil._ "TO WIN!" * * * * * "91 TO SING SOLO." _Asbury Park Evening Express._ Too many. * * * * * Illustration: _First Trooper._ "THAT'S A NICE PAIR OF OOLAN BOOTS YOU GOT THERE, BILL." _Second Trooper._ "YES; NOT BAD. HAD TO KNOCK OUT SIX OF THE BLIGHTERS AFORE I GOT A PAIR TO FIT ME!" * * * * * IN DARKEST GERMANY. (_Being a humble appeal to English Divines, suggested by the attitude of Teuton Professors to the Belgian atrocities._) Hear me, most noble missionaries who, Toiling on Africa's half-tutored shore, Had words quite recently at Kikuyu Whereof the motley bard may say no more. I would not dare to judge of warring creeds; It may be that the dark-skinned Hottentot Has skill to balance up his spirit's needs And know that this is truth and that is not. But there are sloughs of ignorance so deep That sect and rubric seem to fade away, Souls unaroused as yet from barbarous sleep That have not glimpsed the prospect of the day. These have no art to tell the wrong from right Who tot up two and two to sums unknown; Uganda, relatively erudite, Has wants unfelt by Frankfurt and Cologne. So, when the flags are furled, the trumpets mute, And soft-voiced messengers replace the guns, Let it be yours to stifle old dispute And found a first-aid mission to the Huns; Teaching them not at first the subtler things Of dogma, suited to a folk more wise, Such gospel as ye bear to savage kings, But "steal no longer" and "have done with lies." Tell them that murder is esteemed "_tabu_", That the Red Cross is now a sacred sign; Tell them no more than that; it will be new; They have no need of ritual on the Rhine. Let presently a non-sectarian school, Where knowledge shall be taught to Teuton men That mumbo-jumbo is an out-worn rule, Be built at Heidelberg or Goettingen.