There's a charm, when the varied consignment arrives, To men who are blest with amenable wives; But I watch my AMANDA with covert alarm, And wait till she severs the Wine-merchant's charm. * * * * * MRS. R. is always instructing herself. She has been reading up legal technicalities. "The names," she says, "in some cases are so appropriate. I am informed that in a Divorce case, where the husband is the petitioner, the Judge issues a writ of '_Fie Fie_' against the wife." * * * * * [Illustration: A REMINISCENCE OF LENT. "AND DID YOU BOTH PRACTISE A LITTLE SELF-DENIAL, AND AGREE TO GIVE UP SOMETHING YOU WERE FOND OF?--_SUGAR_, FOR INSTANCE,--AS I SUGGESTED?" "WELL, YES, AUNTY! ONLY IT WASN'T EXACTLY _SUGAR_, YOU KNOW! IT WAS _SOAP_ WE AGREED TO GIVE UP!"] * * * * * MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES. JOURNALISTIC. "_At the Duchess of Drinkwater's fashionable reunion, held last night, I noticed among the first-comers, &c._;" _i.e._, I got all my information, when it was over, as well as I could, from an inebriated linkman. "_What is this we hear about a certain----?_" We're not certain of our authority, but can't miss the opportunity of being first in the field with the rumour of a scandal, so we put it into an interrogatory form, which can't do any harm to _us_. "_The greatest excitement prevails_;" _i.e._, Two men who were not present on the occasion discuss it under a lamp-post and the influence of liquor. SOCIAL. "_You must come and dine with me one night_;" _i.e._, "It sounds hearty, but as a fixture I'll relegate it to the Greek Kalends." "_How well you are looking!" (to a Gentleman)_; _i.e._, "You are getting awfully stout, and must drink more than is good for you." _Ditto, ditto (to a Lady)_; _i.e._, "Your figure and complexion are entirely gone." AUCTIONEERING. "_Old Historic House_;" _i.e._, Dormer windows, dark rooms, and the dry rot. "_High-class Furniture_;" Another term for mahogany. "_Superior Ditto_;" An adjective reserved for walnut. "_Solid Ditto_;" When there is no other epithet possible. "_Elegant Modern Ditto_;" In the gimcrack pseudo-æsthetic style. "_Handsome Ditto_;" _i.e._, Consoles, any amount of mirrors, gilding, crimson silk, ormolu--all a little "off colour." OF A FRIEND'S NEW HORSE. "_Ah! Well put together_;" _i.e._, "He's screwed all round." PLATFORMULARS. "_We have no personal quarrel with our opponents_;" _i.e._, "They said some dreadfully rude things about me last night. Hope one of the local speakers will give them a trouncing afterwards, _I'm_ expected to be polite." "_I congratulate you upon the growth of your Association, and the excellent political work it is doing in this district_;" _i.e._, "Know nothing about it, except what the pasty-faced Secretary has just crammed me with, but must butter them a bit."