HA! ha! I knew it, I knew it! All the grog-blossomed addle-pates in the world couldn't have induced me to back _Surefoot_. There they were cackling in their usual hugger-mugger Bedlamite, gin-palace, gruel-brained fashion, with Mr. J. at the head of them blowing a _fan-fare_ upon his own cracked penny trumpet. But I had my eye on them all the time. For as the public must have discovered long before this, if there is one person in the world who sets their interests above everything, and swerves neither to the right nor to the left in the effort to save them from the depredations of the pilfering gang of pig-jobbers and moon-calves who chatter on sporting matters, that person, I say it without offence, is _me_. What was it I said last week about _Sainfoin_? "_Sainfoin_," I said, "is not generally supposed to cover grass, but there are generally exceptions." A baby in arms could have understood this. It meant, of course, that _Sainfoin_ never lets the grass grow under his feet, and that on the exceptional occasion of the Derby Day, he would win the race. _And he did win the race._ We all know that; all, that is, except Mr. J.'s lot, who still seem to think that they know something about racing. But I have made my pile, and so have my readers, and we can afford to snap our fingers at every pudding-headed barnacle-grabber in the world. So much for the Derby. As for the Oaks, it would be impossible to conceive anything more scientifically, nay geometrically, accurate than my forecast. "_Memoir_," I said, "might do _pour servir_." Well, didn't she? And if anybody omitted to back her, all I can nay is, serve them right for a pack of goose-brained Bedlamites. For myself, I can only say that, having made a colossal fortune by my speculations, I propose shortly to retire from the Turf I have so long adorned. * * * * * A BIASSED AUTHOR.--One whose MS. is written "on one side only." * * * * * ASK A WHITE MAN! (_Highly Humorous Song. Sung with Immense Success by King M'Tesa, of Uganda._) "King M'TESA inquired of Mr. STANLEY what an 'Angel' was. He (Mr. STANLEY) had not seen an angel, but imagination was strong, and M'TESA was so interested in what he was told, that he slapped his thigh and said, 'There! if you want to hear news, or wish to hear words of wisdom, always ask a white man.'"--_Mr. Stanley at the Mansion House._ [Illustration: "If you want to know, you know, ask a White Man."] AIR--"_Ask a Policeman!_" THE White Men are a noble band (Though TIPPOO swears they're not), Their valour is tremendous, and They know an awful lot, If anything you'd learn, and meet A White Man on the way, Ask _him_. You'll find him a complete En-cy-clo-pæ-di-a. _Chorus._