If you want to know, you know, Ask a White Man! Near Nyanza or Congo, Ask a White Man! In Uganda I am King, Yet _I_ don't know everything. If you want to know, you know, Ask a White Man! If you would learn how best to fight Your way through regions queer, Thread forest mazes dark as night, And deserts dim and drear! If you your rival's roads would shut, And get his in your grip; You go to him, he's artful, but He'll give you the straight tip. _Chorus._ If you'd know your way about, Ask a White Man! He knows every in and out Does a White Man! He will tell you like a shot If the roads are good or not; He can open up the lot, Ask a White Man! And if about the Angels you Feel cu-ri-os-i-ty, For information prompt and true, To a White Man apply. _He_ knows 'em, and, indeed, 'tis said Himself is _almost_ such. His "words of wisdom" on this head Will interest you much. _Chorus._ If you want to shoot and drink, Ask a White Man! He can help you there, I think. Ask a White Man! If you'll learn to grab and fight, And be mutually polite, And observe the laws of Right, Ask a White Man! * * * * * MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES. THEATRICAL CRITICISM. "_Mr. Ranter's Macbeth is too well known to all play-goers to need any special notice at our hands. Those who have not yet seen it should avail themselves of the present opportunity;_" _i.e._, "Can't pitch into old RANTER, good chap and personal friend." DIAGNOSTIC. "_I should say in your case, that the Digestion was a little upset;_" _i.e._, "As gross a case of over-eating as I have ever come across in the whole of my professional experience. You must have been feeding, literally, like a hog, for years!" SOCIAL. "_What I so like about dear Sibyl is her charming simplicity;_" _i.e._, "The silliest little chit conceivable." "_His conversation is always so very improving;_" _i.e._, "A pedantic prig, who bores you with Darwinism in the dance, and 'earnestness' at a tennis-party." * * * * * TOPPING THE TRIPOS; _Or, Something like a Score for the Sex._ [In the Cambridge Mathematical Tripos Miss P. G. FAWCETT, of Newnham, daughter of the late Professor FAWCETT, is declared to be "above the Senior Wrangler."] ABOVE the Senior Wrangler! Pheugh! Where now are male reactionaries Who flout the feminine, and pooh-pooh Sweet Mathematic MEGS and MARIES? Who says a girl is only fit To be a dainty, dancing dangler? Here's girlhood's prompt reply to it: Miss FAWCETT tops the Senior Wrangler!