It was an exceedingly fortunate thing for the representatives of the Sheriff of Middlesex that their exit was marked by more expedition than elegance; for as soon as their real purpose was known, Fitzflam (as the audience supposed Fitzfunk to be) would have been rescued _vi et armis_. As it was, they hurried him to a back room at the inn, and carefully double-locked the door. It was also rather singular that from the moment of the officer's appearance, the gentleman in the boxes whose doubts had caused the disturbance immediately owned himself in the wrong, apologised for his mistake, and withdrew. As the tragedy could not proceed without Fitzfunk, the manager proposed a hornpipe-in-fetters and general dance by the characters; instead of the last act which was accepted, and loudly applauded and encored by the audience. Seated in his melancholy apartment, well guarded by the bailiff, certain of being discovered and perhaps punished as an impostor, or compelled to part with all his earnings to pay for coats and continuations he had never worn, the luckless Horatio Fitzharding Fitzfunk gave way to deep despondency, and various "ahs!" and "ohs!" A tap at the door was followed by the introduction of a three-cornered note addressed to himself. The following were its contents:-- "Sir,--It appears from this night's adventure _my name_ has heretofore been useful to you, and on the present occasion your impersonation of it has been useful to me. We are thus far quits. _I_, as the 'real Simon Pure,' will tell you what to do. Protest you _are not the man_. Get witnesses to hear you say so; and when taken to London (as you will be) and the men are undeceived, threaten to bring an action against the Sheriff unless those harpies, Messrs. Gallowsworthy and Pickles, give you 20l. for yourself, and a receipt in full for the debt and costs. Keep my secret; I'll keep yours. Burn this.--H.F.F." No sooner read than done; and all came to pass as the note predicted. Gallowsworthy and Pickles grumbled, but were compelled to pay. Fitzflam and Fitzfunk became inseparable. Fitzflam was even heard to say, he thought in time Fitzfunk would make a decent walking gentleman; and Fitzfunk was always impressed with an opinion that _he_ was the man of talent, and that Fitzflam would never have been able to succeed in "starring it" where he had been "_The Great Creature_." FUSBOS. N.B.--The author of this paper has commenced adapting it for stage representation. * * * * * THE DESIRE OF PLEASING. "May I be married, ma?" said a lovely girl of fifteen to her mother the other morning. "Married!" exclaimed the astonished matron; "what put such an idea into your head?" "Little Emily, here, has never seen a wedding; and I'd like to amuse the child," replied the obliging sister, with fascinating _naivete_. * * * * * THE HEIR OF APPLEBITE. CHAPTER VIII.