LORD CHAMBERLAIN (_aside_).--If you do get the berth, Sir Robert, I hope you'll not give me warning. [_Exit_. SIR ROBERT (_looking demurely_).--Hem! [_The Queen regards him very attentively._] THE QUEEN (_aside_).--I don't much like the looks of the fellow--that affectation of simplicity is evidently intended to conceal the real cunning of his character. (_Aloud_). You are of course aware of the nature and the duties of the situation which you solicit? SIR ROBERT.--Oh, yes, your Majesty; I have filled it before, and liked it very much. THE QUEEN.--It's a most responsible post, for upon your conduct much of the happiness of my other servants depends. SIR ROBERT.--I am aware of that, your Majesty; but as no one can hope to please everybody, I will only answer that _one half_ shall be perfectly satisfied. THE QUEEN.--You have recently returned from Tamworth? SIR ROBERT.--Yes, your Majesty. THE QUEEN.--We will dispense with forms. At Tamworth, you have been practising as a quack doctor? SIR ROBERT.--Yes, madam; I was brought up to doctoring, and am a professor of sleight-of-hand. THE QUEEN.--What have you done in the latter art to entitle you to such a distinction? SIR ROBERT.--I have performed some very wonderful changes. When I was out of place, I had opinions strongly opposed to Catholic emancipation; but when I got into service I changed them in the course of a few days. THE QUEEN.--I have heard that you boast of possessing a nostrum for the restoration of the public good. What is it? SIR ROBERT.--Am I to consider myself "as regularly called in?" THE QUEEN.--That is a question I decline answering at present. SIR ROBERT.--Then I regret that I must also remain silent. THE QUEEN (_aside_).--The wily fox! (_aloud_)--Are you aware that great distress exists in the country? SIR ROBERT.--Oh, yes! I have heard that there are several families who keep no man-servant, and that numerous clerks, weavers, and other artisans, occupy second-floors. THE QUEEN.--I have heard that the people are wanting bread. SIR ROBERT.--Ha, ha! that was from the late premier, I suppose. He merely forgot an adjective--it is _cheap_ bread that the people are clamouring for. THE QUEEN.--And why can they not have it? SIR ROBERT.--I have consulted with the Duke of Richmond upon the subject, and he says it is impossible. THE QUEEN.--But why? SIR ROBERT.--Wheat must be lower before bread can be cheaper. THE QUEEN.--Well! SIR ROBERT.--And rents must be less if that is the case, and-- THE QUEEN.--Well! SIR ROBERT.--And that the landowners won't agree to. THE QUEEN.--Well! SIR ROBERT.--And, then, I can't keep my place a day. THE QUEEN.--Then the majority of my subjects are to be rendered miserable for the advantage of the few? SIR ROBERT.--That's the principle of all good governments. Besides, cheap bread would be no benefit to the masses, for wages would be lower. THE QUEEN.--Do you really believe such _would_ be the case?