_Little Snooks_ (_who was Gazetted the week before last_). "AH, YOU TAKE THE ADVICE OF A MAN WHO KNOWS ALL ABOUT IT--AND _DON'T!_" * * * * * VERY CIVIL LAW. (_With Mr. Punch's Compliments to the London County Council._) SCENE--_The Interior of the Court under the Patronage of the London County Council._ Judge, _appointed according to the popular view, discovered in the act of passing sentence._ _Judge._ Prisoner in the dock, or I should say, my good friend--for are we not all liable to err?--I have no wish to increase the natural embarrassment of your position. I am here, as you know, to dispense judgment. This I tell you judicially. I am, when I make this statement, merely the mouthpiece of the Law. In my private capacity, I am deeply sorry for you. _Prisoner_ (_much affected_). Thank you kindly, Sir. _Judge._ My dear friend, I feel for your misfortunes. I make every allowance for them. By the Statute under whose provisions both of us are here, I notice that I have the power to sentence you to seven years' penal servitude. _Prisoner_ (_startled_). Seven years! But you ain't going to do it? _Judge._ My dear friend, I will do nothing that is unjust. _Prisoner_ (_angrily_). You'd better not, or you'll 'ear of it again! _Judge._ I hope, I do hope that is not intended as a threat! My object is to treat you courteously, and even considerately, but, as I have already remarked, the Law is, in fact, the Law. Although I represent the London County Council to a very large extent, still I am a Member of the Bar, and, by virtue of my office, a gentleman. Under these circumstances, I shall only be doing my duty--painful as its performance may be--when I sentence you to be kept in penal servitude for seven years. _Prisoner_ (_indignantly_). What, seven years! Why, you---- [_Scene closes in hurriedly upon a flood of language more forcible than polite. Curtain._ * * * * * Illustration: THE GRAND OLD PRINTER. SEVERAL REPORTS HAVE APPEARED IN THE PAPERS ABOUT THE PRINTING OF THE NEW HOME-RULE BILL BY AN OLD EXPERIENCED HAND WORKING IN SECRET. * * * * * Illustration: AN UNDERGROUND SELL. _First Passenger._ "THEY SAY THEY'VE PUT ON DETECTIVES 'ERE, TO CATCH COVES AS TRAVELS WITHOUT TICKETS." _Second Passenger._ "'AVE THEY? WELL, ALL I CAN SAY IS, _I_ CAN TRAVEL AS OFTEN AS I LIKE FROM CANNON STREET TO VICTORIA, AND NOT PAY A 'APENNY!" _Detective._ "SEE HERE MATE; I'LL GIVE YOU HALF-A-CROWN IF YOU TELL ME HOW YOU DO IT." _Second Passenger_ (_after pocketing the Half-Crown_). "WELL,--WHEN I WANTS TO GIT FROM CANNON STREET TO VICTORIA WITHOUT PAYIN'--_I WALKS!_" * * * * * "CUT AND COME AGAIN." The Annual New-Year's Dinner of Anti-Vivisectionists took place yesterday. The following was the _menu_:-- Oysters--eaten alive.