PERFECT.--The _Daily Telegraph_, in a short notice of a present made to a Mr. OSLER for assisting the police, mentions the unavoidable absence on this interesting occasion of "Chief Inspector BELTON,"--which is a good name suggestive of staff attached to "belt on,"--and of "Mr. Superintendent FERRETT"--than which no better name was ever found, out of a burlesque novel, for a clever detective. * * * * * TWO WAYS OF AUDITING. I.--THE OLD WAY. SCENE.--_A Chamber in a Civic Building. The Town Clerk and the Auditor discovered at a table covered with papers._ _Clerk._ Then I believe that you are entirely satisfied with the accounts? _Auditor._ Oh, perfectly. (_After a pause._) There is one item I wanted to ask about--I've no doubt you'll be able to explain it satisfactorily--it's this "£25 for ginger-beer to the Mayor and Council on the occasion of opening the new Cemetery." Does not--er--that sum represent a rather large number of bottles? _Clerk_ (_in an off-hand way_). Well, we put down ginger-beer, you know, as it _looks_ better, and there's a rather strong temperance party in the borough. Of course, it was really champagne--"extra sec," too, you bet! _Auditor._ Oh, of course. I merely mentioned the matter for the sake of form. And the "£15 for cigars"--that was an expenditure incurred at the same time, I conclude? _Clerk_ (_carelessly_). Oh, yes. Y'see, one of the Councillors is the leading tobacconist in the place. _Auditor_ (_relieved_). Ah, that accounts for it. Then these "models of the Crematorium in gold and jewels, as brooches for the wives of the Councillors"--I see they come to £105 in all. _Clerk_ (_sternly_). You don't _object_ to the brooches, I presume? _Auditor_ (_anxiously_). Oh, not at all. Not in the least. A most--er--praiseworthy method of spending the ratepayers' money. _Clerk._ Quite so. Our Mayor's our leading jeweller, you know. So, as you've put "Examined and Approved," shall we go in to lunch? For a "cold collation on the occasion of the audit" our Council always allows £10. It'll be rather a good feed. [_Exeunt into banqueting apartment._ II.--THE NEW WAY. _Auditor._ Oh, what larks! [_Subsides into a chair, and takes two minutes to recover from his fit of merriment._ _Clerk_ (_surprised_). I really fail to see where the joke comes in. _Auditor._ Oh, don't you know? I'm one of the new class of comic auditors--"made in Manchester." What tickles me is this item of £17 for gold match-boxes for lighting the cigars of the Mayor and Aldermen on the occasion of the visit to the Sewage Farm. _There's_ persiflage, if you like! _Clerk_ (_smiling_). I'm glad you take so humorous a view of the matter. Of course you allow that expenditure? _Auditor._ Allow it! Not for worlds. Then--(_with difficulty restraining another outburst of mirth_)--how about "£27 for oysters and Chablis" after the visit?