Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 98, March 22, 1890Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 98, March 22, 1890
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
MY DEAR SIR,--Now is _the_ time to remit to me for the forthcoming big
movements I intend to make during the current Month. If my last Circular
proved true down to the very last letter, this one will be ten times
truer. What did I say last month? I said there would be a big rise in
Boomerang Rails, which were then at 11¾. In 57½ hours after my
Circular was issued they had risen to 110-7/16, and many of my clients
made thousands of pounds. One of them actually making the magnificent
sum of £27,876 11s. 4¼_d._ I love to be accurate, so I give the exact
amount.
Now is the time, I repeat. No one out of the millions of clients, from
an Exalted Lady, whom delicacy forbids me to name, down to the junior
waiter at the Pomona, ever lost by coming to me. I also advised, and I
repeat it this month,
CHUCKSTER TOLL BAR BINKSES.
They were hardly quoted on the Stock Exchange--hardly known even--when I
took them up on the 1st of April last year. Where are they now? At 119!
And they will move on to 219 before the year ends. I have means of
information possessed by none besides me. I have a wire of my own laid
on to every Embassy house on the Continent; every _attaché_, every
dragoman is my correspondent, and more than one Crowned Head has
honoured me with the secrets of his last Council, or of his resolves on
War or Peace. I myself am a Power. I can make and unmake and ruin homes
as well as any Czar or Emperor.
But I bind the clients who trust me with bands of iron.
Again I say buy
CHUCKSTER TOLL BAR BINKSES.
Remit the necessary Cover to me at once. Small sums combined make large
ones, and you cannot be in too soon. Five-pence (a sum you would throw
at a crossing-sweeper) covers Five Pounds. Here is my scale:--
£1 covers £1000.
£5 " £5000.
£20 " £200,000.
But send me whatever you like, and it will prove the most important act
of your life; one you will never forget.
Again I say buy
CHUCKSTER TOLL BAR BINKSES.
There is fascination in their very name. Don't do the thing weakly. Act
on the advice of that great man BARRY LYNDON, and speculate grandly.
Take the history of one out of thousands of fortunes made by me for
others:--
A BANK CLERK, hard up, desperately pressed by his duns, had received a
small remittance from his father, a struggling Clergyman. The sum
amounted to £50, just enough to pay the young fellow's bills, and leave
him a paltry sovereign. Do you think he was such a fool as to have read
my Circular in vain? He very wisely brought the money to me. I bought
Boomerangs at 11¾. In 57½ hours that young man was a _millionnaire_. He
has magnificent chambers on the Embankment; shows himself in the Row at
the present time; would not look at a cigar under half-a-crown; and has
not entirely forgotten the claims of his family, for to my knowledge he
has remitted several pounds to his younger brothers.--Again I say,
BUY BOOMERANGS OR CHUCKSTERS.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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