YESTERDAY my gun exploded When I thought it wasn't loaded; Near my wife I pressed the trigger, Chipped a fragment off her figure; 'Course I'm sorry, and all that, But she shouldn't be so fat. [Illustration] [Illustration: "_Now, although the room grows chilly, I haven't the heart to poke poor Billy._"] Tender-Heartedness BILLY, in one of his nice new sashes, Fell in the fire and was burnt to ashes; Now, although the room grows chilly, I haven't the heart to poke poor Billy. [Illustration] Jim; or, the Deferred Luncheon Party WHEN the line he tried to cross, The express ran into Jim; Bitterly I mourn his loss-- I was to have lunched with him. [Illustration] Appreciation AUNTIE, did you feel no pain Falling from that apple tree? Will you do it, please, again? 'Cos my friend here didn't see. [Illustration] Baby BABY in the caldron fell,-- See the grief on Mother's brow; Mother loved her darling well,-- Darling's quite hard-boiled by now. [Illustration] [Illustration: "_Darling's quite hard-boiled by now._"] Nurse's Mistake NURSE, who peppered baby's face (She mistook it for a muffin), Held her tongue and kept her place, "Laying low and sayin' nuffin'"; Mother, seeing baby blinded, Said, "Oh, nurse, how absent-minded!" [Illustration] The Stern Parent FATHER heard his Children scream, So he threw them in the stream, Saying, as he drowned the third, "Children should be seen, _not_ heard!" [Illustration] "Bluebeard" YES, I am Bluebeard, and my name Is one that children cannot stand; Yet once I used to be so tame I'd eat out of a person's hand; So gentle was I wont to be A Curate might have played with me. People accord me little praise, Yet I am not the least alarming; I can recall, in bygone days, A maid once said she thought me charming. She was my friend,--no more I vow,-- And--she's in an asylum now. Girls used to clamour for my hand, Girls I refused in simple dozens; I said I'd be their brother, and They promised they would be my cousins. (One, I accepted,--more or less-- But I've forgotten her address.) They worried me like anything By their proposals ev'ry day, Until at last I had to ring The bell, and have them cleared away; (I often pondered on the cost Of getting them completely lost.)