Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
It is foolish to attempt to improve on the style of a master. Hash
Todhunter had shown himself in a class of his own at this kind of
literary composition, and Sam was content to take him as a model. He
wrote:
“DEAR BRADDER: You will doubtless be surprised to learn that I have
borrowed your money. I will return it in God’s good time.
Meanwhile, as Sir Philip Sidney said to the wounded soldier, my
need is greater than yours.
“Trusting this finds you in the pink,
“Yrs. Obedtly,
“S. SHOTTER.”
Then, having propped the note against the collar box, he left the room.
A sense of something omitted, some little kindly act forgotten, arrested
him at the head of the stairs. He returned; and taking the poached egg,
placed it gently on the pillow beside his friend’s head. This done, he
went downstairs again, and so out on the broad trail that led to the
premises of Messrs. Matters & Cornelius, House Agents, of Ogilvy
Street.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
SAM BECOMES A HOUSEHOLDER
What Mr. Matters would have thought of Sam as he charged breezily into
the office a few minutes later we shall never know, for Mr. Matters died
in the year 1910. Mr. Cornelius thought him perfectly foul. After one
swift, appraising stare through his gold-rimmed spectacles, he went so
far as to share this opinion with his visitor.
“I never give to beggars,” he said. He was a venerable old man with a
white beard and bushy eyebrows, and he spoke with something of the
intonation of a druid priest chanting at the altar previous to sticking
the knife into the human sacrifice. “I do not believe in indiscriminate
charity.”
“I will fill in your confession book some other time,” said Sam. “For
the moment, let us speak of houses. I want to take Mon Repos in Burberry
Road.”
The druid was about to recite that ancient rune which consists of the
solemn invocation to a policeman, when he observed with considerable
surprise that his young visitor was spraying currency in great
quantities over the table. He gulped. It was unusual for clients at his
office to conduct business transactions in a manner more suitable to the
Bagdad of the _Arabian Nights_ than a respectable modern suburb. He
could hardly have been more surprised if camels laden with jewels and
spices had paraded down Ogilvy Street.
“What is all this?” he asked, blinking.
“Money,” said Sam.
“Where did you get it?”
He eyed Sam askance. And Sam, who, as the heady result of a bath, shave,
breakfast and the possession of cash, had once more forgotten that there
was anything noticeable about his appearance, gathered that here was
another of the long line of critics who had failed to recognise his true
worth at first sight.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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