Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
“Do not judge me by the outer crust,” he said. “I am shabby because I
have been through much. When I stepped aboard the boat at New York I was
as natty a looking young fellow as you could wish to see. People nudged
one another as I passed along the pier and said, ‘Who is he?’”
“You come from America?”
“From America.”
“Ah!” said Mr. Cornelius, as if that explained everything.
“My uncle,” said Sam, sensing the change in the atmosphere and pursuing
his advantage, “is Mr. John B. Pynsent, the well-to-do millionaire of
whom you have doubtless heard.... You haven’t? One of our greatest
captains of industry. He made a vast fortune in fur.”
“In fur? Really?”
“Got the concession for providing the snakes at the Bronx Zoo with
earmuffs, and from that moment never looked back.”
“You surprise me,” said Mr. Cornelius. “Most interesting.”
“A romance of commerce,” agreed Sam. “And now, returning to this matter
of the house----”
“Ah, yes,” said Mr. Cornelius. His voice, as he eyed the money on the
table, was soft and gentle. He still looked like a druid priest, but a
druid priest on his afternoon off. “For how long a period did you wish
to rent Mon Repos, Mr.--er----”
“Shotter is the name.... Indefinitely.”
“Shall we say three months rent in advance?”
“Let us say just those very words.”
“And as to references----”
Sam was on the point of giving Mr. Wrenn’s name, until he recollected
that he had not yet met that gentleman. Using his shaving brush and
razor and eating food from his larder seemed to bring them very close
together. He reflected.
“Lord Tilbury,” he said. “That’s the baby.”
“Lord Tilbury, of the Mammoth Publishing Company?” said Mr. Cornelius,
plainly awed. “Do you know him?”
“Know him? We’re more like brothers than anything. There’s precious
little Lord Tilbury ever does without consulting me. It might be a good
idea to call him up on the phone now. I ought to let him know that I’ve
arrived.”
Mr. Cornelius turned to the telephone, succeeded after an interval in
getting the number, and after speaking with various unseen underlings,
tottered reverently as he found himself talking to the great man in
person. He handed the instrument to Sam.
“His Lordship would like to speak to you, Mr. Shotter.”
“I knew it, I knew it,” said Sam. “Hello! Lord Tilbury? This is Sam. How
are you? I’ve just arrived. I came over in a tramp steamer, and I’ve
been having all sorts of adventures. Give you a good laugh. I’m down at
Valley Fields at the moment, taking a house. I’ve given your name as a
reference. You don’t mind? Splendid! Lunch? Delighted. I’ll be along as
soon as I can. Got to get a new suit first. I slept in my clothes last
night.... Well, good-bye. It’s all right about the references,” he said,
turning to Mr. Cornelius. “Carry on.”
“I will draw up the lease immediately, Mr. Shotter. If you will tell me
where I am to send it----”
“Send it?” said Sam surprised. “Why, to Mon Repos, of course.”
“But----”
“Can’t I move in at once?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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