Humorous stories, English; Sailors -- Fiction; Seafaring life -- Fiction
“I mean to say nothing,” said Captain Stubbs, putting his huge hands on
the table. “But when a man comes into my cabin and begins to hum an’
haw an’ hint at things, and then begins to ask my advice about bigamy,
I can’t help thinking. This is a free country, and there’s no law ag’in
thinking. Make a clean breast of it, cap’n, an’ I’ll do what I can for
you.”
“You’re a blanked fool,” said Captain Thomsett wrathfully.
Captain Stubbs shook his head gently, and smiled with infinite
patience. “P’raps so,” he said modestly. “P’raps so; but there’s one
thing I can do, and that is, I can read people.”
“You can read me, I s’pose?” said Thomsett sneeringly.
“Easy, my lad,” said the other, still preserving, though by an obvious
effort, his appearance of judicial calm. “I’ve seen your sort before.
One in pertikler I call to mind. He’s doing fourteen years now, pore
chap. But you needn’t be alarmed, cap’n. Your secret is safe enough
with me.”
Captain Thomsett got up and pranced up and down the cabin, but Captain
Stubbs remained calm. He had seen _that_ sort before. It was
interesting to the student of human nature, and he regarded his visitor
with an air of compassionate interest. Then Captain Thomsett resumed
his seat, and, to preserve his own fair fame, betrayed that of George.
“I knew it was either you or somebody your kind ’art was interested
in,” said the discomfited Stubbs, as they resumed the interrupted game.
“You can’t help your face, cap’n. When you was thinking about that pore
chap’s danger it was working with emotion. It misled me, I own it, but
it ain’t often I meet such a feeling ’art as yours.”
Captain Thomsett, his eyes glowing affectionately, gripped his friend’s
hand, and in the course of the game listened to an exposition of the
law relating to bigamy of a most masterly and complicated nature,
seasoned with anecdotes calculated to make the hardiest of men pause on
the brink of matrimony and think seriously of their position.
“Suppose this woman comes aboard after pore George,” said Thomsett.
“What’s the best thing to be done?”
“The first thing,” said Captain Stubbs, “is to gain time. Put her off.”
“Off the ship, d’ye mean?” inquired the other.
“No, no,” said the jurist. “Pretend he’s ill and can’t see anybody. By
gum, I’ve got it.”
He slapped the table with his open hand, and regarded the other
triumphantly.
“Let him turn into his bunk and pretend to be dead,” he continued, in a
voice trembling with pride at his strategy. “It’s pretty dark down your
foc’sle, I know. Don’t have no light down there, and tell him to keep
quiet.”
Captain Thomsett’s eyes shone, but with a qualified admiration.
“Ain’t it somewhat sudden?” he demurred.
Captain Stubbs regarded him with a look of supreme artfulness, and
slowly closed one eye.
“He got a chill going in the water,” he said quietly.
“Well, you’re a masterpiece,” said Thomsett ungrudgingly. “I will say
this of you, you’re a masterpiece. Mind this is all to be kept quite
secret.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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