Mr. Valmont raised himself more erect on his chair; and he frowned too.
'Always reasoning,' he said: 'I tell you, child, you cannot, you shall
not reason. Repine in secret as much as you please, but no reasonings.
No matter how sullen the submission, if it is submission.'
I replied, 'I do not think as you do.'
'Child, you are not born to think; you were not made to think.' He
turned the letter on the table, as he spoke, and took a leaning
attitude.
'But I cannot----.'
'Silence, Sibella!' cried my uncle. He fiercely recovered his upright
posture; and then, for I was effectually silenced, he gradually and
slowly fell back into his reclining station. Indeed, Miss Ashburn, I am
in some instances still a mere child, as Mr. Valmont calls me; and yet,
I wish you would account for it, for I do not know how, I feel every day
bolder and bolder. I can speak to him when I first meet him, as calmly
as I can to Andrew; and I can oppose him a little. And when I have not
opposed him as much as I wish to do, and have ran away from the fight of
his face, and the sound of his voice, I take myself to talk, and say,
foolish Sibella! Can a frown kill you?--Can your uncle, though he should
be tenfold angry with you, do more to you than he has already done? And,
when my throbbing heart denies the possibility of that, I resolve the
next time to tell him every thing I feel: and then I wait, and long, and
wish that the next time would arrive. When it does arrive, I begin
without fear; or, at least, I have only a weak trembling, which I should
soon lose, if he did not call up one of those frowns which infallibly
condemn me to silence and to terror. But I know, and he knows too if he
would but own it, that I do think; that I was born to think:--and I will
think.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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