_Johnny._ O, don’t you fret about me. I feel bad enough to see dad on these times. I’m a purty rough boy, but it does make me feel mean to see dad, who’s such a smart old gent when he’s sober, let himself out in this way. I’ve never touched a drop of liquor, and you can bet your life I never will. _Harry._ That’s right, Johnny. Drinking is the meanest kind of enjoyment, and the dearest, too. I’m going to try and reform the old gentleman. _Johnny._ Are you? Well, you’ve got a big job. _Harry._ Perhaps not. His bidding for the elephant has given me an idea. _Johnny._ It gave me an idea he was purty far gone. _Harry._ Yes. We will make him believe he bought the elephant. _Johnny._ What good will that do? _Harry._ I think we’ll turn the animal into a temperance lecturer. Come with me. Let’s see your mother and Sally, and arrange matters before your father appears. _Johnny._ Yes. But I want ter go after the woodchuck. _Harry._ Never mind him now. We’ve got bigger game--the elephant. [_Exit, L._ _Enter, slowly, R., SILAS, with a razor in his hand._ _Silas._ I’m in an awful state. My hand shakes so I can’t shave; my throat is all on fire, my head splitting, and I feel mean enough to steal. Wonder how I got home! Guess I’ve been and made a fool of myself. I ain’t got a copper in my pocket; and I know when I sold out I had over a hundred dollars in my wallet. (_Takes out wallet._) Looks now as though an elephant had stepped on it. An elephant? Seems to me I saw one yesterday in teown. Jest remember biddin’ for him at auction. Lucky I didn’t buy him. ’Twas that plaguy “Ottawa beer” set me goin’. Well, I s’pose I shall catch it from the old lady. But it’s none of her business. ’Twas my sarse and my live stock, and I’ve a right to jest what I please with it. _Enter MRS. SOMERBY, L._ _Mrs. S._ Silas Somerby! are you a man, or are you a monster? _Silas._ Hey? Ha, ha! Yes, I don’t look very spruce, that’s a fact. The water was cold, and the razor dull, and--and-- _Mrs. S._ And your hand shakes so you can’t shave. O, Silas, Silas! At your time of life! I blush for you! _Silas._ O, bother, now! What are you frettin’ ’bout? I ain’t killed anybody, or robbed anybody’s house--have I? _Mrs. S._ You’ve done somethin’ as bad. You’ve been on a spree, and squandered every cent you had in your pocket. _Silas._ S’pose I did? Ain’t a hard-working man a right to enjoy himself once in a while, I’d like to know? Now you jest shet up! I’m the master of this farm, and if I choose to show a liberal spirit once in a while, and help along trade by spreading a little cash about, it ain’t for you to holler and “blush--” _Mrs. S._ Silas Somerby! _Silas._ Shet up! if you don’t, I’ll harness up old Jack, and clear out. _Mrs. S._ For another spree? O, you wretch! ain’t you ashamed of yourself, to set sich an example to the young uns? And that critter you sent home! Do you want us to be devoured?