Stephen H. Branch's Alligator, Vol. 1 no. 04, May 15, 1858
History
Stephen H. Branch's Alligator, Vol. 1 no. 04, May 15, 1858
New York (N.Y.) -- Politics and government
Education Society, and who is now an Episcopal minister in Maryland.
I left Andover for Boston, and caught the itch from a filthy bed at
a hotel in Washington street. I went to Cambridge, and entered the
law school of Judge Story and Professor Greenleaf. A law student from
Providence asked me to gamble, and I won about $20 in cash, and he
denounced me, because I would not gamble with him after he had lost all
he had, and owed me $50. I told him that persons seldom paid gambling
debts, and I could not stake cash against credit in a game of cards.
I also told him that I would return the $20 I had won, and give him
the $50 he owed me, if he would never ask me to gamble, when he flew
into a fearful passion, and said I grossly insulted him. He strove
to irritate me to blows, and I anticipated a scuffle, but he did not
dare strike me, as he doubtless saw fatality and a pale sepulchre in
my eyes. We had known each other nearly all our days, but dice and
cards separated us for ever, and he is in the grave. News arrived at
Cambridge of the great fire of 1835, and I went to New York, to see
my brothers, and the desolation, and proceeded to Philadelphia, but
my itch increased, and I returned with forced cars to Cambridge, and
consulted Dr. Plympton, who gave me ointment, which I applied, and the
itch suddenly disappeared, and commingled with my blood, and raised
Beelzebub with my emotions. I felt cold, and made a rousing fire, and
went to bed, and had a violent perspiration, and out popped the itch
again like a porpoise, and made me scratch so hard and incessantly,
that I could not sleep of nights, and I was in a horrible predicament,
and I got alarmed, and went to Providence, and immediately to bed, as
my physical energies were utterly exhausted, from loss of rest, and
from my eternal scratching, and off I went into a thundering snore. My
brother William arrived from New York during the night, and got into my
bed, and I slept so soundly that he vainly strove to awake me. I told
him in the morning that I had the itch, and he laughed heartily, and
I tried to join him, but I could not. He soon returned to New York,
and I to Cambridge, and in about a month, he wrote me that he had got
the itch, and asked me what he should do to cure it. I told him to
apply itch ointment externally, and to gently scratch the developments,
or they would increase like fury, or a snow ball. He then wrote me
that itch pimples had appeared between his fingers, and on the back
of his hands, and desired to know what to do to screen them, or cure
them quickly, and spare the mortification. I told him to wear gloves
or mittens constantly as I did, and to pretend that he was learning
the art of self-defence, and went to a boxing school so often that it
began to seem natural to wear gloves or mittens without cessation, or
through absence of mind. Brother Bill never troubled me again about
his itch, and I was glad, as I did not like to commune of itch, even
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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