French fiction -- 20th century -- Translations into English
This was the return of the oceanic flood. It announced itself by a
roaring of the waves, a nocturnal resurgence. For a time maternity had
satisfied the passionate elements of her nature. The material fatigue of
a working life had set up a dam against them. But, gathering in the
shadow, they beat against the rock. The soul, which as it grows climbs
up the spiral of life, found itself returning to a state bordering on
that from which it had passed, four or five years before, between the
burning summer of the hotel in the Grisons and the spring of love with
Roger Brissot. Bordering on it, but not the same. One returns on the
spiral above the past; one does not descend to it again. Annette's
nature had ripened. There was no longer in her agitation any of the
blind ingenuousness of the young girl. She was a woman; her desires were
keen and definite. She knew whither they led. And if she did not wish to
know, it was precisely because she did know. Her will had matured no
less than her flesh. Everything about her had become richer, and
everything had assumed an accent of passion.
The reappearance of these familiar demons, these dreaded demons, was
like a midday when a storm is gathering. A heavy silence, a silence big
with the tempest to come. It followed the careless joys and the careless
sorrows of the young morning. The shadows slipped unceasingly over
Annette's face. She had become tense. When she was in company or off her
guard, when she was not distracted by the child's presence, she would
fall into a dumb silence, with a line between her brows. When she became
aware of this, she would slip noiselessly away. Any one who had been
disturbed about her would have found her in her room, setting it in
order, making her bed, turning the mattress, polishing the furniture or
the floor, using more movements than were necessary, but not succeeding
in stifling the spirit that resounded within her. She would stop in the
midst of something she was doing, upright on a chair, a bit of chiffon
in her hand, or leaning on the window-sill. Then she would forget
everything, not only the past but the present as well, the dead and the
living, even her child. She saw without seeing, she heard without
hearing, she thought without thinking. A flame that burned in empty
space. A sail in the wind of the open sea. She felt the great breath
that passed through her limbs, and the ship vibrated with all its masts.
And then from the boundless void emerged the face of the things that
surrounded her. From the court of the house over which Annette was
leaning mounted the familiar sounds; she recognized the voice of the
child talking and singing. But her reverie was not interrupted; it took
another course. It was the song of a bird on a summer afternoon. O sunny
heart, what an amount of life you still have to give! Take the world
into your open arms! Too much plunder! . . . Her consciousness relaxed
its grip; she fell back into the incandescent gulf where there was no
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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