Autobiographical fiction; France -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Villages -- France -- Fiction
might be in the open air, like a titmouse which the breeze keeps poised
in the focus of a sunbeam--or sometimes the Louis XVI room, so cheerful
that I could never feel really unhappy, even on my first night in it:
that room where the slender columns which lightly supported its ceiling
would part, ever so gracefully, to indicate where the bed was and
to keep it separate; sometimes again that little room with the high
ceiling, hollowed in the form of a pyramid out of two separate storeys,
and partly walled with mahogany, in which from the first moment my mind
was drugged by the unfamiliar scent of flowering grasses, convinced of
the hostility of the violet curtains and of the insolent indifference of
a clock that chattered on at the top of its voice as though I were not
there; while a strange and pitiless mirror with square feet, which
stood across one corner of the room, cleared for itself a site I had not
looked to find tenanted in the quiet surroundings of my normal field of
vision: that room in which my mind, forcing itself for hours on end
to leave its moorings, to elongate itself upwards so as to take on the
exact shape of the room, and to reach to the summit of that monstrous
funnel, had passed so many anxious nights while my body lay stretched
out in bed, my eyes staring upwards, my ears straining, my nostrils
sniffing uneasily, and my heart beating; until custom had changed the
colour of the curtains, made the clock keep quiet, brought an expression
of pity to the cruel, slanting face of the glass, disguised or even
completely dispelled the scent of flowering grasses, and distinctly
reduced the apparent loftiness of the ceiling. Custom! that skilful but
unhurrying manager who begins by torturing the mind for weeks on end
with her provisional arrangements; whom the mind, for all that, is
fortunate in discovering, for without the help of custom it would never
contrive, by its own efforts, to make any room seem habitable.
Certainly I was now well awake; my body had turned about for the last
time and the good angel of certainty had made all the surrounding
objects stand still, had set me down under my bedclothes, in my bedroom,
and had fixed, approximately in their right places in the uncertain
light, my chest of drawers, my writing-table, my fireplace, the window
overlooking the street, and both the doors. But it was no good my
knowing that I was not in any of those houses of which, in the stupid
moment of waking, if I had not caught sight exactly, I could still
believe in their possible presence; for memory was now set in motion; as
a rule I did not attempt to go to sleep again at once, but used to spend
the greater part of the night recalling our life in the old days at
Combray with my great-aunt, at Balbec, Paris, Doncières, Venice, and the
rest; remembering again all the places and people that I had known, what
I had actually seen of them, and what others had told me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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